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55
THEO
The private jet soared through the night sky, carrying my family and me back to England. I wrestled with my emotions. I wanted to be with her, but I was terrified she was going to crush my soul. She had come damn close once already. I couldn’t do it again. It was like being in a boxing ring. I kept getting KO’d and getting up again to be knocked out all over again.
Victoria came to sit beside me. “You still have that look on your face,” she said.
“What look?”
“The look of a lost puppy dog,” she joked.
“I’m not lost.”
“The fact that we’re flying all the way to England says you’re still considering going through with the match,” she said. “And since you haven’t officially broken it off, I think you’re leaning toward sticking with her.”
“I don’t know what I’m leaning toward,” I said.
“Can we just be honest?” she asked quietly.
“Aren’t we always honest?”
“You know what I mean,” she said, sighing. “Let’s pretend there is no danger to dropping all the walls and just being completely honest with what you’re feeling. You know I’m not going to judge you. Whatever you say will be locked in the vault. We will never speak of it again. Pretend I’m the other half of your brain. I’m the person you can actually see. I’m the devil’s advocate in your head. I can talk back and give actual advice.”
“Fine,” I said, sighing. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I love her. I will admit that. But I also know I can’t be arm candy. I can’t be trotted out to smile for the cameras when she needs me and then ignored when I’m not needed.”
“She didn’t need you last week and she was all over you,” she said. “She wanted you, not your money or anything else.”
“But what if she can’t let go of the idea she’s been raised to believe her entire life?” I said. “I know I’m up against a huge obstacle here. She’s been under her father’s thumb her entire life. That’s not something you can just change overnight.”
“You’re saying you’re not sure you’re up for the task.”
I frowned. “That’s not what I said.”
“It is. You want instant love. You’re worried you might not win the battle for her heart.”
“I am,” I said, nodding. “You’re right. I want the love we had last week. It was easy and really good. I can’t go back to that cold woman I first met.”
“Tell her that.”
“I did,” I said. “Over and over, I told her that I’m not going to do just a little bit of love. I don’t want to be a studhorse that makes pretty babies while paying the bills.”
“You two would make pretty babies,” she teased.
“You’re supposed to be solving this,” I groaned.
“You want me to tell you what to do?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not going to listen, but I’ll tell you anyway. You go to her, and you tell her you love her. You tell her you will support her, but not without her love in return. And you make it very, very clear she can never, ever talk about you like that to anyone ever again.”
“And if she says she won’t?”
“You pick up the pieces of your heart and move on.”
I really didn’t like that option, but it was one or the other. I had to make a decision. A sudden resolve overcame me. I couldn’t let the love I felt for Emilie go unspoken. “I need a pen. And paper.”
“What?”
