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Meg nods, and I think I’ve pushed too far when she says, “What am I supposed to call you? Bess and Darnell say ‘sire.’ Everyone else has a different kingly title for you, all super impressive and intimidating.”
Mate. I want you to call me mate. “Leander.”
She sticks her hand out and I stare at it. “Nice to be courted by you, Leander. I’m Meg the Magnificent, Mother of the Mutter Udders, Terror of the Topside World.” Gripping my hand, she pumps it up and down. “This is what we call a handshake, a human form of agreement.”
I close my fingers around her hand, savoring the touch. “Swipe right?”
“You bet. Starting tomorrow, it’s game on.”
8
MEG
Leander makes his first move the next morning. A knock at my bedroom door has me hurrying to open it, thinking I’ll likely find Bess there waiting, as I have every other day. But no one stands outside. I look down and find a pretty wicker basket overflowing with a sketchpad, charcoal, paints, brushes, soapstone, wood blocks, chisels, files, and carving knives.
The scent of earth, rich spices, and Leander lingers on the air. He brought them himself. The silly thrill that runs through me has me giddy, like a freshman with a forbidden crush on the high school quarterback. This entire castle smells of its creator. Anyone could have left the supplies, and yet I can’t help but think of how intense he’d been when talking of courting, as if the old-timey wooing with gifts and flattery still existed in this realm. A folded note sticks out of the basket, and I swoop it up, eager for clues.
A message scrawled on it simply states: Your move.
I matter enough to this king that he brought me something that matters to me. He didn’t belittle my hobby or tell me that I’m a flake for making frivolous things. No, he must’ve stayed up longer to put together the exact tools I would need, despite how exhausted he looked last night. No one bothers to give me gifts, let alone consider what I might actually want.
“Good morning to you, milady.” Bess clomps down the hall, a happy bustle to her that makes me smile even brighter. “Ready to dress for another day in your court?”
My court. I hadn’t thought much of the odd phrase when she used it before. These people expect me to save them through… sex magic? My ex’s cheating, and the various ways he either said or showed me that I wasn’t enough during our relationship, loop in my head like a bad bloopers reel. How am I supposed to have some sort of magical sex that’s powerful enough to sustain an entire realm?
“You all right?” Bess asks. “You look upset. Something in the basket that bothers you? I can get the maids to clear it.”
The cow shifter talks so fast that it takes me a moment to realize she’s waving for someone to dispose of Leander’s lovely gift. “No!” My refusal comes out strong, and Bess swishes her tail to keep the other maid away. I soften my voice and wrangle my internal torment under control. “The art supplies he gave me are perfect.” I damn near purr like Oggie on the last word.
“Courting gifts.” Bess bops her head, which would be cute on a cow bobblehead, less adorable on a woman with giant horns that could impale someone if she cut loose on a rave dance floor. “The king has finally come around to honoring the matching agreement. So exciting.” She blows out a breath powerful enough it has her lips making a flapping noise like a horse from some old Western comedy. “Although I could make suggestions for gifts more suitable to wooing. Flowers, chocolates, some tasty grass, perhaps?”
The thought of chewing up a yard leaves a bitter sourness in my mouth. “Uh, no thanks. I’m happy with this.” I snatch up the basket before anyone might take it away, staggering under the weight. My minotaur knows how to play this game and doesn’t give half-ass gifts.
My minotaur. Mine. The quick possessiveness catches me off guard, and I almost stumble. Where’d that come from? A few minutes of not hating each other doesn’t a relationship make. Even with an accidental sex contract and the fate of a realm at stake.
“Let me take that.” Bess shifts into half human form, which leaves her with a woman’s breasts and a ginormous cow udder, both barely covered by her apron. “I’ll pick out your prettiest new frock. Can’t have a man getting the upper hand in a courtship ritual, even if he is the king.”
That attitude is why Bess has been my new realm bestie since I found her in my room, asking if I would like a nice cup of tea with some apple slices and alfalfa patties. “You don’t have to dress me,” I insist, as I do every morning.
“Nonsense, I’m head heifer of this castle, and it’s my honor to serve you.” Bess chooses a green silk for today and hangs it above the wardrobe while she chooses jewelry and flowers to adorn me like a child. Or a queen. “Besides, how else would I be the first to get the scoop on what the king gives you?”
I grin because the gossip is the real reason she’s here. Oh, I can flatter myself that, as a human, I’m a novelty, but this cow doesn’t just spill the tattler tea. No, she splashes that sticky goodness in a mess big enough that she can jump through the puddles with her huge hooves. “How about insider info? I need to plan something for him that can outshine his gift.”
Bess’s ears—still in cow form, which reminds me that I haven’t seen her with human ears yet—twitch in a fascinating tic. “Like a competition?”
I don’t yet know how to decipher cow ear code, and she makes it sound more cutthroat than the flirty game I had proposed. “Uh, a friendly one?”
“There’s no such thing. Now, let’s see what he’s given you so that we can plan something bigger. You must go to the market today to find a treasure.” She pokes through the basket, taking great care with each item. “Tell me why this art stuff would make you consider coming in second place. By the way, you can’t lose. It would set a precedent for all of us women that I won’t have.”
“Bess,” I drawl, but it’s no use. She’s already prodding me toward the attached bathroom. I give a longing glance at the art supplies, where Oggie paws the basket’s ribbons, but there’s no arguing with a hardheaded heifer.
“No time to waste,” she says. “Get clean so we can shine you up and send you to wow our king. Nothing like confident beauty on top of your smarts to say that you deserve great gifts like the ones that handsome billionaire in your romance novel gave out.” She fans herself with her tail in great sweeps that have chills breaking out over my bare skin. “We’ll need more of those books in this realm. Such steamy scenes that I had to scold the kitchen staff three times this morning to keep them from scorching breakfast.”
“I’ll have to see what Theo can help me send through the portal.” I stop, realizing that I just acted as though this is my life. As though this world is my realm. Funny how fast the fantastic can seem “normal.” I shake off the thought. “The art supplies are for me to continue developing the game I’ve been working on. Leander wants to see more.”
“Ooh, Leander is it now?” She quits waving her tail like a flag and swishes it against me. “What else did he ask to see, hmm?”
I snort an unsexy laugh, stepping into the shower. “We didn’t get that far.”
