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My heart races and my palms are sweaty as I click the ‘go live’ button. Oh my god, am I really ready? A million thoughts run through my head. What if no one shows up? What should I be doing while I wait for customers to log in? What am I going to say? It’s nine o’clock at night, should I have started earlier? Or maybe later? Should I have music in the background? Did Willow have music?
I decide to put some sexy music on in the background and grab my phone to search for something appropriate when suddenly, my laptop alerts me that I have a viewer. I am panic stricken but recover quickly enough to greet PeterC.
“Hi, Peter. Thanks for joining my show. My name is Whitney,” I say in what I hope is a sexy voice.
Oh damn! It just dawned on me that I shouldn’t have used my real name. Shit, what was I thinking?
“Hi, Whitney. Great smile,” Peter types.
“Aw, thanks, Pete. Is it ok to call you Pete?”
“You can call me anything you like,” appears in his chat box. It’s a little weird for me to talk while he types, but I guess this is just how cam shows work.
Besides, it’s my first customer and the situation hasn’t blown up yet. This guy seems nice. Maybe he’s some nerdy guy who’s awkward with women in real life. Maybe it’s my job to make him feel less awkward. That thought gives me more confidence. I decide to share with him that this is my first show in case he feels nervous too.
“Well, Pete, I have to tell you, this is my first cam show actually. I’m stuck at home like most of the country and decided to give it a try.”
PeterC sends me $5.
“Thank you for the tip, Pete!”
“You’re welcome,” he types. “What do you do when you’re not stuck at home due to a crazy virus?” he continues.
I debate how to answer that. I decide to go with a broad generalization of the truth.
“I work in the food service industry.”
“Interesting. I’m afraid I have to take a call, Whitney. But it was really nice to meet you.”
PeterC logs off. Oh my god, did I screw up? Why did he log off so quickly? But then, I see that PeterC just tipped me fifty dollars.
I hate to say it, but fifty dollars is a lot, and my mouth drops open as I look at the number on the screen. I can eat! I can send money to my parents! All was not for naught!
I end the cam show before anyone else can join and try to calm down for a moment. I’m pleased with the money I made briefly chatting with one guy. Pleased is putting it lightly. I’m ecstatic, and that went better than in my wildest imaginations.
I decide to make this my regular time to post. Some tips I’ve been reading around the web said that to attract repeat viewers, you should maintain a regular schedule. LiveFans has given me a webpage and I post my tentative show times there.
It’s interesting not knowing who you’re talking to. It really sparks the imagination. Am I conversing with someone who’s feeling lonely because his girlfriend just broke up with him? Am I talking to someone who’s been married for thirty years and feels a little restless, but doesn’t want to leave his wife? Or maybe I’m talking to a woman who’s exploring her sexuality. I snort. Most likely, I’m engaging with a teen boy who’s giggling in his room even now.
Then again, maybe PeterC is a real, adult male. Maybe some of the guys who visit these cam shows do so because they are afraid to approach women in person for fear of rejection. Maybe it’s just because I can relate to feeling awkward in situations with the opposite sex sometimes. It gives me boost to think I might be giving a shy person some confidence.
I go to bed with a new sense of purpose and contentment, positive that PeterC was bullied in high school and now has crushing social anxiety. Well, he’s not the only one. I know exactly how that goes, and fall asleep feeling like I have a new mission in life.
It’s 8:50 p.m. the next day and I feel a little more comfortable about doing this live show than I did yesterday. I know where to put my computer for the perfect angle, and I spent the day making a sexy playlist to keep on in the background. My main fear is that no one will show up. PeterC gave me $55 yesterday, so I doubt he’ll be back today with that kind of money. Unless maybe he’s a tech nerd that created some silly gaming app that everyone loves. Then, anything is possible.
