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He frowned. “I’m not pretending.”
“You hated me.” Those memories had been larger than life for too long. “I can’t see how that’s changed just because you found out I was…” I couldn’t finish, not wanting to say the word mate.
When I was with Zeus, I’d gone over each night with Rook in my head. He’d always felt different, as if getting his love had been in reach. But each time he’d pushed me away. I’d desperately wondered how I’d do it differently if I could do it again. I had challenged him over and over, but if I could have just… been what he’d wanted, then maybe… maybe things would have been different, and the contract would have never been destroyed.
I hugged myself.
How do we come back from that?
I didn’t have an answer. I wanted one, but I didn’t have it.
He closed the last few steps between us and reached up, perhaps to touch my cheek, but seemed to think better of it. It might have been my expression, or the way I shrank back, staring down at my fist, which was still balled around that inscription. “I don’t hate you.” Rook’s voice was weak, but I was too scared to look up at him. “That’s not… I never hated you, Vex.”
Finally, I dared glance up. His jaw was clenched, and he looked so unsure.
“You never wanted me.” It was so hard to keep my voice steady.
I wasn’t enough for him. Of all of them, I knew he cared about his image the most. My gold pack status would never fit in next to that.
Rook shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. “You said, in the book, that I… uh…” He looked sick. “That I reminded you of them…”
My heart pounded at those words. At the reminder that he had read them. They weren’t just words, they had each been like a carving across my heart. Truths given while I was curled up alone, with tears tracking my face, my hand shaking as I was forced to write them down. No matter how I hated what they said, or hated how pathetic they were.
“I’ve been really stupid,” he said. “I get why you wouldn’t want to see me.”
“Drake and Love, they—” I began, but Rook cut me off.
“Theywant to salvage their relationship with you.”
I flinched, knowing my shock was plastered across my face. Terror hit my system, as real as if I were in a room with Zeus.
“No, no. That’s not…” Rook began, his expression breaking, and I could see his flash of panic. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t… I don’t deserve a relationship with you. I know that now.”
I stared at him, a horrible weight settling in my stomach as I heard those words.
What?
Was that supposed to make me feel better?
Or was this his way of distancing himself, so he could salvage his image?
“But I will protect you.” He was still talking, and it was hard to keep up. “I don’t care what it takes.”
Protect me?But he hadn’t… he hadn’t protected me. And now he was trying to find a way to keep me at arm’s length?
“I don’t want that.”
He frowned, eyes darting between mine, but I didn’t get it.
How didhenot understand?
He’d just said he didn’t hate me, but he didn’t want to try, either? I clasped my fingers together, unsure of what to do. “I don’t…” My voice shook. “I don’t want protection from someone who’s given up.”
“Given up?” he asked, so perfectly confused. “You want…?” He trailed off. “You think we can…?”
Panic rose in my throat at the hopelessness in his eyes. “I d-don’t know.” I sounded desperate, as I cracked around the edges.
Why was he makingmefigure this out?
