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Couldhe, even?
The gifts were a promise, though I had yet to figure them all out. And I chose to believe in that promise.
Something about Ebony seemed detached from the world, as if he were capable of things that normal people weren’t. I believed him, even though it was madness. Even though I didn’t know the first of what I’d just given him when I told him the truth.
But if I could believe in him for the past, then maybe, just maybe, I could hold onto hope for a future, too.
“I told him I didn’t want him to pretend anything for me,” I said, watching Love carefully. “I want him as he is.”
He set down a pile of clothing and turned to me, ocean blue eyes fixing me with all of his attention in that unsettling manner. He took a long moment to reply before he finally spoke. “Thatis a daring thing to ask of Ebony.”
I shrunk a little, anxiously gripping the inscription of the cuff I wore. Just like they had with Rook last night, feeling those bumps of the embroidery beneath my fingers settled my nerves.
“I know,” I said.
“Do you know what those gifts mean?” he asked.
“I’m figuring it out.” I felt a smile tug at my lips. “Do… do you love him?” I asked. If there was anyone in the world who could help me understand Ebony, it was Love.
He considered that for a long moment. “Yes.”
“Do you think he loves you?”
“I don’t know. But does love have to be reciprocated to be real?”
“Is that why you chose the name?” I asked.
He smiled. “I was fourteen. I chose the name to piss off Ebony.”
We were silent for a while as I unfolded a few more of the sweatshirts, examining each carefully.
“What is it that you value?” Love asked at last. “When you learn that someone loves you?”
I considered that for a long time before answering. “There’s just… something safe in knowing they’ll be there no matter what. Even if you fuck up or make mistakes.”
He nodded, running his tongue along his teeth. “I believe Ebony is as capable of offering that as any of us are. It’s just the criteria, the reasoning,that’swhat makes some people uncomfortable.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“He values me. I will always be the one who has known him all his life, who took an interest and can challenge him. That’s never going to change, no matter what I do.”
“But… that’s still not love?”
He shrugged. “If a mother loves her baby because it’s hers, we call that love. Because the child is now entangled in who she is and what she has done, because she values becoming a protector and nurturer.” Love took a breath, not meeting my eyes. He was different when he spoke about Ebony, more open. I couldn’t take my eyes from him as he brushed away a loose flutter of hair that had escaped his braid. “How is what I am to Ebony any different? Or even him to me? He is… concrete. No one can replace what I am to him, and no one would ever be able to replace what he is to me. Love is just entanglement and identity. Identify that and it’s safer. If you don’t, you leave it to the mercy of titles that can fail in the face of misplaced expectations. I’ve seen first hand how little a mother’s love, the kind of love that trumps all, can be worth.”
“So… yes?” I asked, though I wasn’t quite sure what question he was answering anymore.
He shrugged, but nodded. “I think, if we were capable of perfect love, then maybe my take would be different, but we aren’t. There is no guarantee of absolute love, not even in blood. My…entanglementwith Ebony is worth more than what some people have. It’s up to you to decide if that’s enough for you.”
I think I already had, yet hearing this from Love was comforting. “But uh… you don’t trust him, do you?”
“No… I don’t.”
“I want to,” I said quietly.
“And in that, Vex, you will be in uncharted territory.” He smiled, unperturbed, and perhaps I saw a glimmer of curiosity in his eyes. “We could get one framed,” he suggested, lifting one of the sweatshirts. “If you wanted.”
“Maybe… just not yet?” Doing that felt like making a commitment to this room. I didn’t think I was ready for that yet.
