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You can be grateful by having something to show for it.
Where others had excuses, I had none, for there had been no need left unmet.
I’d had everything.
An absolute truth.
The very foundation of what I was.
A splintering crack, begun by Vex, followed by that book she’d filled, and finalised by this moment, fissured through the truth that I no longer could be sure was absolute at all.
I swallowed, shoving that away. I would… I would examine it later. Right now, I was desperate to fix things with Vex. I was a wreck. No conclusion I came to could be trusted.
I was quieter than usual, content to watch the dinner play out before me, not wanting to disturb it with what I had to offer.
Petal finished first and slipped from the table to grab her colouring book. Then she clambered onto my lap and set it out to show me her scribbles.
“You’re getting so good!” Justine told her. “I love the flower page.”
“It is lovely, Petal,” Terra said. “Keep it up.”
I glanced at her and the warm smile she had for her daughter that looked so genuine.
“Do you like it?” Petal looked up at me with big green eyes.
“I…” I stared at the scribbles of colour.
It was terrible.
I’ve heard enough mediocrity, son. Don’t waste my time until you can play well enough to be worthy of being remembered.
“It’s…”
“Of course he does, honey. It’s lovely.”
But Petal was still staring up at me.
“I love it,” I said, the words stiff.
“Do you think Gambit would like it?” she asked.
“I’m…” There was something stuck in my throat and I had to clear it. “I’m sure he would,” I said.
“Okay…” She paused, and then she ripped the page out. “Here. It’s for you, because you came and he didn’t.” I opened my mouth to refuse, but she looked almost angry at me, as if it was my fault Gambit wasn’t here. Then she was furiously scribbling‘Dany Dayviss’across the top and shoving it into my hand.
I thanked her, truly realising how odd it was, that I was here with his family, and I barely knew a thing about him.
After, when the table was cleared, Terra sent the others away to give us some space. It was only me, her, and Kit, who watched me warily, as if she wasn’t sure what to expect.
I fumbled in my satchel, making sure they didn’t see the gun I’d brought—and thank god it wasn’t loaded. When I straightened, envelope in hand, Terra placed her hand on my arm.
“Is he alright?” Terra asked me. “Is he safe? You’d tell me that, wouldn’t you?” Her worry lines were back now the younger children weren’t here.
“He… is.” Well, not what I would quantify as safe, but he seemed to be managing.
I set the letter down and pushed it toward Kit. She opened it and looked inside. Her olive skin went ashen and her eyes went wide.
“I can’t take this,” she whispered, pushing it back toward me.
