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I don’t need air, although it probably couldn’t hurt. I need to call Taxi Randall, so I can try to get a ride home. I just want to go home. I can’t spend the rest of the night pretending I’m having fun while Jameson is taking another woman home.
I could ask Jasper to take me home. But I don’t know if he and Jameson drove together. And the thought of Jasper driving me back home while Jameson’s not there because he went home with some woman he just met at the Goldrush is more than I can handle right now.
I know that we’re only sleeping together. But Jameson slept in my bed last night. And if he could really go home with another woman the very next night… that kills me.
I don’t want it to, but it does.
I know that this can’t go anywhere. But Jameson and I have always been friends. Our whole lives. And the thought of him treating me like that—treating me like I’m the same as any other woman he sleeps around with—it kills me.
When tears start falling down my cheeks, I don’t try to stop them. Even though I know this is going to be awkward when I go back inside all puffy with black mascara streaks under my eyes. Okay, I care enough to try to stop the mascara streaks.
I’m dabbing under my eyes with the pads of my fingers trying to prevent a colossal mascara migration when I hear boots scuffing on the sidewalk behind me. I don’t look back to see who it is because I know I look like a pathetic mess. I’m a thirty-two year old woman, and I’m crying outside of a bar. I don’t need witnesses to it. Moving closer to the hair salon on the corner, I beg the universe to let these people walk right on past me.
“What’s going on out here, Lemon?”
Jameson.
Shit.
He can’t see me crying like this. He, more than every other person in the entire world, can’t know how pathetic I am.
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I don’t care if you don’t want to talk to me, you’re going to. You can do it here or you can let me drive you home and do it there.”
“I told you I’m sleeping over at Claire’s house. And I’m pissed at you, in case you didn’t notice.”
Jameson laughs. “Oh, I noticed. I just don’t care. If you think you’re sleeping anywhere tonight other than right next to me, you're as crazy as you must have been dressing up like that tonight and not thinking the night was going to end with me fucking you with that silky white dress around your waist. You look so hot tonight, babe.”
“Fuck off, Jameson.”
“The least you can do is tell me to fuck off to my face, Lemon.”
Jameson pulls on my arm and turns me around to face him. The streetlight above us lights up his handsome face. All angles and shadows created by the streetlight and the dark night sky. And I’m sure that same light shows how red and blotchy my face is. The wet tears on my cheeks.
As soon as he sees my face, his jaw tenses. He looks angry. “What the hell? What happened, Lemon? Whose ass do I need to kick?”
“Yours, asshole!”
“Hey, hey.” Jameson rubs his hands up and down my bare arms. “Babe, I knew I pissed you off. But how did I do this? Tell me how to fix it, Lemon.”
“No. Just go away. Go home with one of your little girlfriends and leave me alone.”
“Is that what this is about?” Jameson actually laughs at me. He fucking laughs. So, I punch him in the stomach.
“Ouch!” His hands on my arms tighten, so I can’t hit him again like I want to. “Lemon, I don’t get you. You push me away and tell me to go home with another woman. And you’re out here crying, thinking I’m leaving with someone else. I’m not going anywhere with anyone but you. I’m right here, babe.”
“Maybe you should tell that to all the little girlies hanging on you in there.”
He shrugs, and his face tells me he thinks I’m being unreasonable. “I can’t. Because you don’t want me to tell anyone about us. You ignored me all night and barely looked at me in there, babe.”
Shaking my head, I press my hands flat against his chest and try to push him away from me. “Go away, Jameson. Just leave me alone.”
“No way I’m leaving you when you’re upset like this. I’m taking you home. Let’s go, Lemon.”
“It’s not happening. Not after what you said to me. You can fuck right off, kid. I’m going to call a cab.”
“And wait two hours for Taxi Randall to get here? If he ever shows up at all? I’m not leaving you standing out on a street corner looking as good as you look right now. You’re crazy if you think that’s happening.”
