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“I haven’t asked you to,” said Ava, relieved that that was all it was. “I like Alice.”
Hope bit her lip, then nodded. “Alright then,” she said. “So I’m inviting you to family dinner on Saturday. Me, you, Alice and mum.”
“That’s your condition? A home cooked meal?”
Hope laughed but Ava could see that she was wary, afraid that she was asking for something too big.
“I’d be honored,” Ava said.
Chapter Twenty Six
Hope tramped across the grass to where she could see Noah waiting, wrapped in a scarf against the autumn chill. He waved when he saw her coming and in his smile she saw a glimmer of what she’d used to love about him.
She had loved him once. It would be ridiculous to assume that she hadn’t. So now she couldn’t help but compare the way she’d once felt about Noah to how she felt about Ava.
Feelings weren’t absolutes, she couldn’t measure them, couldn’t make her feelings for Noah stand up against her feelings for Ava so she could judge which were taller or fatter or better. All she could do was go with her gut.
Her gut said that her feelings for Ava were bigger than her brain would care to admit and that she was better off not trying to calculate.
There were feelings there, she was sure of it. In that moment when Ava had talked about teeth flossing and TV watching there’d been an instant when all Hope could think was that yes, she wanted to be there for those things. That the sex was good, brilliant even, but that she knew there was more than that, more to uncover, to experience, more Ava to have.
And she wanted more Ava.
Which meant letting go of control to some extent. Okay, so maybe she’d get hit by a bus on the way home, or a meteorite for that matter. But chances were that she wouldn’t. Which would mean that at some point she and Ava would have to make decisions about the future.
Not until next summer, she told herself as she stumbled on the scrubby grass of the park. Who knows what will happen before then? Let the future belong to itself, don’t screw this all up just because one day it might be over.
“You alright?” Noah asked, jogging a few steps to catch up with her.
“Fine,” she said brusquely. Then couldn’t help but ask: “Why?”
“Dunno,” he said. “Funny look on your face, I suppose. Sure you’re okay?”
She nodded and looked around for Alice, finally finding her tearing around on a red bike, pursued by Amelia on a far larger blue bike. She sniffed but clamped her mouth shut.
“Thanks for coming to pick her up like this,” Noah said.
“Yeah, why was that again?” She hadn’t asked. Alice had needed picking up and that was all that registered when Noah had called.
“Well, half because we’ve got a doctor’s appointment on the other side of town,” Noah said.
“And the other half?”
“I wanted you to see this,” he said, nodding to where his daughter and girlfriend were racing down a straight section of path.
Hope sighed. “Alright, I’ve seen it now, so what?”
“Amelia’s good with Alice,” Noah said. “Alice likes her. Ask her yourself. They get on well together.”
“I’ve never disputed that.”
“Have you not?” Noah asked. “Cos I know it must be difficult. Believe it or not, I do get that. I can empathize, put myself in your place, imagine how I’m going to feel when you find someone else and some other man gets to tuck my daughter into bed at night. Really, I understand.”
Hope had a sudden vision of Ava tucking Alice into bed and looked away so that Noah wouldn’t see the gleam in her eye. “That’s not my problem.”
“Then what is?” Noah said. “I’m a good dad, you can’t deny that. Amelia’s a decent person and Alice likes her. I’ve got a nice house, Alice has clothes and toys there. I get her to school on time and can have her picked up. I’m responsible. So why exactly is it that you don’t want me to see more of Alice?”
Hope looked down at the grass. She’d had no intention of arguing with Noah today. No intention of even discussing this and now she felt like she’d been trapped into having a conversation she didn’t want to have.
