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Ava closed her eyes. “Isn’t it easier that way?” she said. “I know what life was like before, Q. I was living it.” She opened her eyes. “And what if it happens again? What if this doesn’t work out and I end up back where I started and…” She couldn’t finish the sentence.
Quinn was quiet for a moment, letting her gather herself. “That’s life,” she said finally.
“That’s life? That’s your come-back to that?”
Quinn shrugged. “I wish it was better, but that’s what I’ve got. That’s life, Ave. It beats you down, leaves you bruised and bleeding on the sidewalk, and you pick yourself up, dust off the dirt, and keep on walking. That’s what we do, all of us, every day, and you’re no different. Because if you’re so afraid of falling, you’ll never walk. And if you don’t walk, well, you’ll never get anywhere, will you?”
Ava bit her lip and said nothing. There was nothing to say.
“Ava, my love, she’s fixed you somehow. She’s bandaged your wounds and got you back on your feet. And if you’re not willing to take risks to be with her then you don’t deserve her, it’s that simple.”
“Take risks to stay with a woman that I barely know, a woman I’ve barely kissed in your words?”
“When you know, you know,” Quinn said. “And you know. I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re no fool, Ava Stanford. If you know one thing, it’s your own mind. You might be doubting your judgment a little, and that’s understandable after everything you’ve been through, but I, for one, don’t doubt you in the slightest.”
“Q, I can’t… How? What am I supposed to do? I can’t just sit around here pining after a woman. I’ll have no job soon enough and then I’ll run out of money, and…” She trailed off.
“So? You’d better get things figured out before you end up living under a bridge,” Quinn said sweetly. “But I do know that if you don’t take this risk, Ava, you’re going to regret it. What does coming back here give you? What are you trying to re-claim? You can’t get your old life back and I don’t think you really want it.”
Ava swallowed. It was true. She hadn’t thought of Serena’s face in days, maybe longer.
“Think about it,” Quinn said. “And lunch break’s over and I’ve got to go. Call me later if you need me?”
Ava nodded and Quinn’s face disappeared from the screen.
Maybe she was right. Maybe she did need to take some risks. The problem was she was absolutely terrified.
Chapter Thirty Two
“Mu-um, Robbie looks sad.”
Hope pushed her computer away. “You’d look sad too if you were being castrated.”
“What’s castrated?” Alice asked, coming into the kitchen.
Hope couldn’t help herself. “I think that’s a Ms. Stanford question,” she said. “And I need to get going to the vet. You’re staying here with gran, alright?”
Alice nodded, her attention on Hope’s computer.
“Nope, no computer games. Gran’s going to take you to the park.”
“O-kay,” Alice said. She sniffed. “You should close your web browser if you’re not using it.”
“Where—” started Hope, but then she gave up. Alice was picking things up at a rate of knots, and she had no idea where she was getting computer lessons from. Maybe her father.
“And anyway, you’re not a teacher, silly mummy. You’re looking at the wrong page.”
Hope glanced over then quickly pulled her laptop over and minimized the page. Teaching jobs. There were more of them than you’d think. And all over the place too. Not that she was planning on getting Ava another job or anything. She was just looking at possibilities. Looking and hoping as time was slowly running out.
Two weeks until the Christmas concert. Two weeks until the nativity play and the end of term and then…
There was the sound of yowling from the hallway. “I’d better go,” said Hope.
She pulled on her coat and picked up the cat carrier. Alice had insisted on the name Robbie, saying it went well with Rosie. Hope had insisted that the animal be fixed. The last thing she needed was even more cats. Despite the signs they’d posted around town, it looked like Robbie was here to stay.
“I’m off,” she shouted to her mother and Alice. And she went out to the car with a very irate cat in tow.
IT WASN’T THAT she didn’t want to ask Ava to stay, it was that she couldn’t. And with all the good will and advice in the world, she really couldn’t come up with a workable plan that was a compromise, that didn’t involve somebody giving up too much.
