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It was cruel really, knowing how he feels about me and playing on that just to get at Colton. I kinda regret it, but I kinda don’t. They all knew the game we were playing and when you play with fire, you’re bound to get burned. In Colton’s case, that fucker got obliterated. Fingers crossed that he’s learned his lesson about playing with my heart. Oceania Munroe doesn’t play fair, she plays to win.
I don’t know why his rejection bothered me so much. It’s not as though I didn’t see it coming. At least, I should have. I’ve always known deep down that Colton was never going to take it any further with me. I’m the goddamn help. He’s destined to date Victoria Secret models until he finally gets past that stage and marries one of his friends’ little sisters in a bid to close a billion-dollar deal. Dating the help was never in his plans, and fuck, it really hurts.
Nic keeps telling me that he’s going to hurt me one day and while I knew that he was right, I thought I was strong enough to have it sail off me like water off a duck’s back.
This is killing me. I must have looked so fucking pathetic, walking across the room to a man who pushed me away without a second thought. I must have looked desperate.
Pitiful.
Inadequate.
All this time, I’ve been pretending. I’ve been going to their fancy schools, making fancy friends, joining in on their fancy lifestyles, but this isn’t who I am. Colton’s rejection is a reminder of that. What have I been doing? I should have been working out how to find myself in this godforsaken town, how to live day by day without losing myself to their world but I got caught up. That can’t happen again. I won’t allow it.
I let out a heavy sigh and throw the blanket off me. The clock up on the wall is telling me that it’s just after one in the afternoon and I instantly start hating on myself. It was only a few weeks ago that I made a promise to myself to really try with my schooling so I can graduate and not have the shadow of Breakers Flats looming over me. Then I go and do something like sleeping through the day after allowing myself to get fucked up. I’m not going to lie though, that party was fucking epic … you know, until Colton went and screwed it up for me.
I had every intention of getting up early and taking my sorry ass to school. It would have been a shitty day but I feel as though it would have been a step in the right direction. It would have served to remind me that I’m a strong independent woman and despite the shit going on in my life, I’m still capable of making the right decisions.
Apparently not.
I screwed that up when I fell into bed at three in the morning and then slept right through my alarm, snoozing it for over an hour before throwing my phone out the window and instantly regretting it. I’m going to have to go out there at some point to find it but knowing my luck, it’s probably fallen down a drain or been stolen by Colton to use as a weapon against me.
As I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, I can’t help but think over everything that happened at the party. It was supposed to be a celebration of how Colton and I had conquered Jacqueline Vanderbilt. We were supposed to get fucked up together and enjoy our night before screwing on every surface of the house until we finally passed out on the couch, but I guess things never really go to plan in Bellevue Springs. Just ask Charles Carrington, he sure as shit learned that the hard way.
A few good things came out of the party though so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste. I mean, Milo certainly had a little unintended fun. I’m going to have to check in with him at some point and get a run down because after he disappeared with Jess, I never saw him again. As for Hendrix, I feel as though I saw another side of her and I think that I actually like it. I’ll stick with her from now on. She doesn’t seem like the rest of the girls I’ve come across in Bellevue Springs. She seems sincere while the rest are sheep. They’ll show their true colors soon enough and when they do, I’ll be ready for them.
After somehow managing to peel myself out of bed, I trudge out to the kitchen and grab myself an orange juice. There’s nothing quite like a hangover, but then it honestly beats getting up at 7 am and getting myself ready for another horrendous day at my new school. I’d take sleeping in and a headache any day. After all, it’s nothing a quick throw up and pain killers can’t fix.
