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Focusing on me again, he cocked his head. “You never answered me. Are you really going to spend the rest of your life here?”
I flushed defensively, glaring at him even though I suddenly wanted to wrap my arms around myself for protection. “What’s it to you?”
He held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Hey, you can do what you want. Doesn’t make a difference to me. It just… This seems like a shitty place to be if you’re not into it.”
My shoulders unclenched a little as I chuckled. “I mean, yeah. It’s weird, but like I said, how would I find somewhere to live? How would I find a job when my only experience is…” I gestured around us. “This?”
“Don’t you get paid for working on the vineyards? Couldn’t you save up for a while?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I get paid, but I don’t have any savings. And I… I mean, I guess I could start saving for a deposit on a place. But that doesn’t solve the job thing.”
“Why are you so sure nowhere would hire you?”
I gave him a flat look. “Because the whole city thinks we’re weirdos, right?”
He made a face. “Well… yeah.”
“Besides, I…” I wasn’t sure why I was admitting this, but he was surprisingly easy to talk to, given we’d just met. “It’s kind of scary. The thought of it. Going out there on my own and being totally alone. I’m not a true member of the cult, but at least here there’s always people around. Everyone pitching in and helping.”
“Yeah, ’cause it’s a weird-ass sex commune,” he muttered, which made me shoot him a wry smile. “So you don’t like the thought of being on your own?”
“I…” Shifting again, I let out a slow breath. “I guess not. I was alone a lot when I was a kid, before my dad dumped me here and left. And then I was the only child here. It was…”
“Fucked up,” he supplied, making me smile again.
“Yeah. Pretty fucked up, thinking about it. So, I guess I’m just a giant wimp.”
“You’re not a wimp,” he said immediately. “You just had a bad start in life. It makes sense you’d want to hold on to what feels safe and comfortable to you. But you seem… You’re… I don’t know.” His shoulders rose in a shy little shrug. “You seem pretty self-assured. Confident.”
That made me grin at him. “Thanks.”
His yellow eyes darted down to my mouth and away, ears fluttering as he shifted nervously.
“You know…” Flustered, he shot me another quick look. “If you did want to leave, experience the real world, we could… You could…”
“I’m not becoming your human sex toy,” I told him flatly, which made him glare at me.
“I told you I didn’t come here for that.”
That made me feel a little bad, because he had told me that. And I believed him. He’d come here for a… companion. Which surely meant he was lonely.
“Sorry,” I said gruffly. “I know. What… what were you going to say?”
And why did I suddenly want to hear it? Why was my belly filling with excited nerves? Talking to him about all this—talking to someone about it properly for the first time in my life—had made me feel… restless.
I imagined him telling the high priest he’d changed his mind and leaving, never coming back. I imagined going back to my nice, airy room, getting into my big bed and waking up tomorrow to work on the vineyards with the same people I’d spent every single day with for years. And I imagined doing it again the next day. And the next. For the rest of my life.
Greid cleared his throat, fiddling with his suit cuff. “Well, I did come here for a roommate or whatever, and you’re the only one who doesn’t creep me the fuck out. If you’re interested, I… You could try it out. See how you like the world outside.”
My lips twitched. I crossed my arms and shot him a suspicious look. “What exactly would being your ‘roommate or whatever’ entail?”
“Not sex,” he said immediately. “That wasn’t what… It would just mean living with me. But my house is pretty big. You’d have your own room, obviously. We’d just…” He shrugged shyly. “I don’t know. Hang out sometimes. Watch TV and smoke some shade, if you’re interested in trying it. Maybe eat together every now and then.”
Damn him. My unfeeling heart was softening. He was clearly lonely and just wanted some company. And what he was offering me… A safe, secure way to experience the world without the stress of immediately having to find a job or somewhere to live.
A legitimate way out of here with none of the worry.
My gut clenched with nerves. What if I hated it, though? What if I couldn’t handle the total culture shock? I’d always told myself I stayed here purely because it was easy, because I was successfully duping everyone for a comfortable life, but now that I was faced with the actual prospect of living outside of this place, I felt… scared. Greid had told me I wasn’t a wimp, but… I felt like one.
