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“Made it yesterday,” she said cheerfully, thudding down into her seat. She poured me a glass and inched it across the table. “There you go, laddy.”
“Appreciate it,” I said dully, automatically picking up the glass to have a sip. Almost instantly, my headache began to ease just a little. Perversely, I wished it wouldn’t. I wanted to wallow. I deserved to suffer.
Who knew how much more suffering I was about to inflict on everyone around me?
Fioda had been reading the Brid’s journal, and she didn’t look up as Mol poured glasses of lemonade for the rest of them. The flowers were dropped into another glass already filled with water and set neatly in the centre of the table. Immediately, a bumblebee floated over and crawled into the petals of the peach rose Mol had picked.
“Well.” Fioda gently closed the book and pushed it slightly away from her. “She was, and you are, correct that the power does take on characteristics of the reigning monarch. But it is not to try and make you like the one before you, Ash. It is just… an inevitable outcome. It becomes a part of each monarch, so naturally it is shaped by them and their actions.”
“It doesn’t feel like a part of me, though,” I muttered. “It feels like a separate thing living inside me. Wanting to take over.”
“Then don’t let it,” Mol said bluntly. My fingers tightened on my glass. I wanted to throw it at her.
“I’ve been trying,” I said between clenched teeth.
“No, you said you’ve been ignoring it. You’ve been fighting it, Ash, not the Brid’s influence on it.”
I frowned so hard my headache flared up again. “What’s the difference?”
“You have to accept it, Ash,” Fioda said quietly. “Only then will you be able to cut out the parts of it that the Brid twisted and made unpleasant.”
I snorted in derision and pushed my glass away. “Spare me the new-age bullshit.”
Mol burst out laughing. “It’s not bullshit.”
“It’s not, lad.” Gillie pointed at the journal. “You read what she wrote. She didn’t let it change her. The queen before her was kind and compassionate. The Brid wasn’t.”
I sighed, running my hands down my face. “Yeah, I understand that. But I… I mean, this time last year I was mortal. How am I supposed to stop it happening? I’m not stronger than her. I’m not strong enough.”
“Ash, the Brid is dead,” Fioda said bluntly. “All that’s left are these tiny, terrible parts of her infecting what you now possess—parts that you can cut away like tumours. Of course you are stronger than her. She’s dead.”
“Perhaps Ash is right, though,” Nua said hesitantly. “Perhaps it’s been harder for him to accept it because he was so recently mortal. And he had no time to prepare for this. He didn’t know it would happen. That is unusual.”
“Yes.” Fioda nodded and gave me a tiny smile. “It has been particularly hard, hasn’t it?”
“The Mortal Fae King.” Mol smiled wryly when I flicked a glance at her. “But you can’t just keep living like a mortal now, laddy. You’re fae. One of the Folk. You need to live that way. Then maybe you’ll stop feeling so much like this power inside you wants to take over, rather than just be a part of you.”
More new-age bullshit. I shook my head and rested my forehead in my palm, not wanting to think about any of it.
“Mol was right before, Ash,” Nua said quietly. “You haven’t been doing anything for yourself. You have been working very hard, but that can’t be all you do.” He looked down, brows drawn. “I’m sorry. I should have realised. I shouldn’t have let this…”
I shook my head again wearily. I wasn’t going to let Nua take any of the blame. “It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not yours either, lad.” Gillie still sounded a little frustrated. “What’s happening to you is not your fault. You were thrown into this life against your will. You’ve been through awful things, but you kept going.” He reached over to grip my arm. “Of course you’re tired. I’d be tired too. But are you really going to give up now? After everything, you’re going to let the Brid win?”
A spark of fire flared in my belly. Not that murderous, bloodthirsty fire this time—this was defiant and determined, the thing that had fuelled me during my months in the forest.
I didn’t want to let the Brid win. I didn’t want to let either of the queens win.
Letting out a shaky breath, I looked up. “H-how am I supposed to stop it?”
“You have to accept it first, Ash.” Fioda looked at me solemnly. “Your old life was taken from you, cruelly and unfairly, but it’s gone. You’re something else now, far removed from it.”
I flinched, mouth trembling. “B-but I… I don’t want to forget it. I don’t want to forget them.”
“You won’t.” Nua took my hand. “But your parents would want you to keep going, Ash.”
My breath hitched with a weak sob. “I miss them.”
