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I’m grateful every day that I get to be in your life, my darling boy.
Love, Mags
A fat tear splashed onto the page, so I quickly shut the notebook, not wanting to ruin it or make the ink run. Sniffing wetly, I shifted the picture frame on top and stared down at the photograph it contained.
It was from my eighth birthday. Mags’ sister Carol and her husband Tim had come down from Yorkshire for it, and I remembered Carol taking the picture for us.
I was standing in front of Dad and Mags, my hair a wild mop of curls, a tooth missing in my huge grin. Skinny legs poked out from grass-stained shorts, equally scrawny arms clutching the brand-new football I’d gotten as a gift.
Dad’s hand was on my shoulder, his face creased into a warm smile, squinting slightly from the bright sun, the scruff that had been permanently on his face already sprinkled with grey. His other arm was wrapped around Mags, who had a hand cupped over her brow to shield her eyes. She hadn’t been much taller than me even at that age, and I’d towered over her by the time I was sixteen. She was resting her head on Dad’s shoulder, her curly, mousy hair longer than she’d kept it in more recent years.
I couldn’t look away, gripping the frame so tight I was worried I’d snap it. My eyes greedily took everything in. Mags’ old-fashioned button-down shirt in a swirly green and purple pattern. The wedding ring on Dad’s finger. The old garden furniture behind us—the set we’d had for years—and the chocolate cake Mags had made me already cut into slices for us to enjoy.
I made sure to take in every tiny detail. My gaze was drifting over the big hydrangea bush just behind Dad when I noticed something. Lifting the frame closer to my face, I sucked in a breath.
Hidden just behind the fence post beyond the bush was a black cat, its coat gleaming iridescent, its eyes jet black and reflecting the sun. I’d never thought of cats’ faces as being overly expressive, but I could somehow see the sombreness in its—in his—eyes as he gazed at us all together.
My mouth trembled. Suddenly, all I wanted was to be back with Lonan. All I wanted was for him to be here with me. There was nothing for me here anymore. My parents were gone. This life was gone.
But Lonan was still here. He’d always been here, even when I hadn’t known it.
“I’m ready to go,” I said unsteadily, scrubbing at my wet eyes before carefully tucking everything into my satchel.
“Are you sure?” Nua asked quietly. “We can stay as long as you want.”
“I’m sure. I want to get back.”
Nua waited until I began making my way back round the house before following me. Neither of us spoke as we walked through the overgrown garden, but as we were climbing over the fence, he looked at me with grim eyes.
“You thanked him, Ash. You shouldn’t thank a mortal. You owe him a favour now.”
“I’m never going to see him again,” I mumbled, unable to bring myself to look back at the house as we left it behind and started heading for the forest. “I’m never coming back here.”
Chapter Eleven
Lonan
Gillie had been right. I felt like dirt the moment I opened my eyes, spread-eagled naked on our bed with the covers kicked off.
At least I’d remembered to open all the windows before passing out, but it didn’t help much. The late morning air was already hot and stifling, the breeze warm as it drifted inside through the gaps in the curtains.
Groaning, I lifted my head and promptly let it drop back onto the pillow as it swam, making my gorge rise. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and I could still taste the residue of red wine coating my lips and teeth.
My entire body felt shaky and unsettled, and a throbbing began in my temples, making my brow crease. Even my eyelids hurt, feeling dry and crusty every time I blinked.
Letting out a slow, unsteady breath, I pushed myself up but only managed to get as far as the edge of the bed, swaying as I sat up, wanting to topple straight back down. After a few more minutes, I managed to stand and hobble to the bathroom, hunching over as if that would eliminate the queasiness in my stomach.
My mouth filled with saliva, but I swallowed it back down with a grimace as I shuffled over to the basin. I refused to vomit because of my foolish decision to get drunk, even though I suspected it might make me feel better. It was bad enough that I’d let myself be so vulnerable surrounded by seelie. I’d been sluggish, my hand movements sloppy. Any of them could have managed to hurt me.
Gripping the edge of the basin, I gulped down some water before brushing my teeth, scrubbing hard to get rid of the filmy stain coating them from the wine. When I reluctantly looked in the mirror over the sink, my eyes were bloodshot and my skin was sallow. I grimaced again, dipping my head to spit. I didn’t want Ash to see me looking so awful, and there was a chance they would return today.
After turning on the taps over the bath, I climbed in straight away, pulling my knees up to my chest as cool water began to lap around my feet. The sensation was strange against my branch toes, and I still wasn’t fully used to it.
Trying to ignore the pounding behind my eyes, I stretched out my legs and stared down at the fake one. The memory of drunkenly blurting out my fears about shifting to Gillie flashed through my mind, making my stomach twist with discomfort. I didn’t like anyone knowing about my insecurities, but the solitary fae did now. He would probably tell Nua.
Fingering the join where flesh met wood near the top of my thigh, I tried to picture what would happen if I shifted. Maybe the leg would remain, shifting with me to fit the animal I became, though I doubted it. Maybe it would remain but stay just as it was, an unwieldy lump I’d have to drag behind me. If that happened and I shifted into a bird or something else small, the weight would tear me in half.
If it vanished completely… what would even be the point in trying? I wouldn’t be able to run as a wolf or cat or stag. I would only be able to hop unsteadily as a bird. And what if the wound reopened? What if shifting turned it into a fresh, jagged tear again, blood pouring out, agony coursing through my body. I would be stuck.
