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“I can look after myself,” he said stiffly, thunking his wine glass down on the table with more force than was necessary.
“I know you can. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to put you at unnecessary risk.”
“So it’s your decision alone, is it?” His eyes burned as he stared at me across the table. “I don’t get a say in it.”
I took a breath to stay calm, my temper threatening to spark in the face of his. “I’m hoping you’ll be sensible about this. You’re still adjusting here. You’re still getting used to your new leg—”
“I’m not just going to spend the rest of my life here as your consort, Ash.” Lonan shot up from the table, his eyes flashing and cheeks flushed. I blinked in shock at the outburst. “At some point I will have to leave. The Carlin will die, and I’ll be king. Then what?”
I stood up, my legs unsteady. “I never said I wanted you to stay here as my consort and nothing else. I know that one day you’ll—we’ll have to leave to go to her. But we’re not ready for that yet, and this is an unnecessary journey for you. All I’m going to do is visit my old home to… I don’t know. Say goodbye.” More words burst out of me before I could stop them. “Your mother snatched me from there. Took me away from everything. I think I’m entitled to want to go back one last time on my own terms.”
A spark of fear mingled with the fury in Lonan’s eyes. He was breathing hard, chest heaving. Guilt flooded me, but I couldn’t take the words back now.
“And your own terms mean going without me.” He gave a tight nod. “I see.”
“Not because—” I groaned in frustration and rounded the table, heading towards him. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want you to come with me. It’s just not safe for you.”
Lonan snorted at that, stepping back when I reached for him. My chest tightened painfully.
“I kept myself alive with her for more than twenty-one years.” His eyes were hard as he stared at me, voice void of all emotion. “I’m not going to start cowering from her now.”
My temper exploded.
“It’s not cowering,” I shouted. “It’s not being a fucking idiot. You called me that before, Lonan. You told me not to be one. Well, take your own advice. You’re staying here.”
“Fine,” he spat. “I’ll wait behind for my king to return. I’ll lounge in his palace like a pampered consort and nothing more.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” I gritted out.
His nostrils flared. Without another word, he spun and strode from the room. As the door swung open, I saw Jora hovering uncertainly, biting her thumbnail.
Lonan didn’t even glance at her. After he’d vanished, she hesitantly stepped into the room. “I’m… I didn’t mean to overhear—”
“It’s okay, Jora,” I said wearily, all the heated anger leaving me in an instant. I wiped a hand over my face. “Please tell Tawn I appreciate the meal. We both do. It was lovely.”
She dipped her chin in a nod, keeping her head down as she started clearing the table.
Chapter Three
Ash
I didn’t know where Lonan had gone, but I didn’t seek him out. I knew we’d just argue again if I did. Too much had been left unsaid before he’d strode from the room after dinner.
I considered going to find Nua to tell him what had happened, but I knew Lonan wouldn’t want me to share our private discussions—and arguments—with anyone. I knew he already felt betrayed.
Fear made my throat close up as I stepped into our empty bedroom. Before I could stop it, I imagined returning from my trip with Nua and finding Lonan gone. Sick of staying here, sick of me, sick of seelie. Fleeing back to unseelie land while he had the chance.
Rationally, I knew he wouldn’t. His mother couldn’t control him anymore, which meant he was of no use to her. She surely wanted him dead. As much as he thought he could keep himself safe from her, it had been different when she’d been able to control him—when she’d had a reason to keep him alive.
She was still the unseelie ruler. Unfathomably powerful, stronger than everyone else.
Except me.
The fact that I was near unkillable now still hadn’t really sunk in. Part of me worried that if I accepted it too readily, I’d become cocky. Arrogant. Unbearable, like the Carlin was. Like the Brid had been.
As I undressed for bed in silence, my gaze caught on the crown resting on top of the dresser. A small spark of resentment flared. It was a double-edged sword. It kept us safe—safe from the Carlin, safe from the Brid now she was gone—but it also signified the loss of an easy, simple life with Lonan.
Not that life could have ever been easy or simple with Lonan, even if I’d never become king. The threats of both queens would have still hung over our heads, even if I’d remained nothing more than an exiled seelie living in the forest and we’d somehow found a way to be together despite everything.
