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"I thought about it," she continued, talking like she was on a timer counting down at twice the normal speed. "Over and over, before it finally made sense."
My forehead wrinkled. "Really?"
Sage nodded, but there was a hint of unsurety in her eyes. She scratched at the back of her neck before saying, "The kiss… Our kiss was good."
I laughed dryly. "Okay."
She closed her eyes for a second, thinking of a way to rephrase. I'd never seen her like this. She was anxious about something, unsure of what words to use and in which order.
“I didn’t mean it.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I was trying to do what I usually do when I’m nervous: pretend like I don’t care and pick at things that don’t matter. I can see why that was wrong of me. It was rude and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”
I was quiet as I studied her. Her hands were stuffed into her jacket, hiding the fidgeting her fingers had been doing a second earlier. She didn't look away, even though I knew from the slight bounce on the balls of her feet that she wanted to do the opposite.
“Didn’t think you’d apologize,” I said finally.
“Me either.” She nodded. “But I couldn’t go without letting you know I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m lucky you even saw me as someone you wanted to kiss.”
“Lucky? That’s humble of you.”
Sage’s smile made my heart flutter.
“You’re good at humbling me,” she said. “I’ve learned it’s not the worst thing ever.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“Walking away. I needed space,” I said. “I couldn’t think straight in that booth, and my body went straight in defense because…”
“You don’t have to explain yourself.”
“No, I want to.” I rolled back my shoulders and stood a little taller before continuing. “I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I'm a little sensitive."
She stayed quiet, waiting for me to continue, no joke or snide remark.
“My family kind of picks at everything I do.” My throat tightened with a burst of emotion.
For the most part, I could handle what they said. I used art and therapy to work through the worst of it. What lingered could be handled with a few deep breaths and positive affirmations. Tonight, though, it wasn’t that easy. I catapulted back in time to when everything around me was big and I was small.
“At my lowest moment, things got dark. I got this compulsion to do everything ten times over to make sure it was right.” I looked away for a second, because I was starting to feel like I was being an annoying whiner. “It’s silly to let them have so much effect—”
“No, it’s not,” Sage corrected me in a heartbeat. “You were hurt because I triggered you. Nothing about that is silly.”
“Triggered,” I repeated with a low laugh. “Sounds so serious.”
“It is.” Sage's face was tense with concern. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you for letting me know how I hurt you. I will do everything I can to not to that again.”
I smiled at the earnestness in her voice. “You’ll still have to critique me during work, you know. I’m not fragile enough to ask you to pull all your punches.”
She smiled. “I know. But when it’s us, I want to make sure you feel safe to be, to do, say, or just be.”
I glanced away for a second, because that promise made my chest tight with happiness. It was embarrassing how much my heart pounded in anticipation of something good. Never in a million years would I have thought Sage would be a source of good in my life.
She nudged her chin toward the park’s exit. “Come with me?”
“Venom,” I said simply, even though no part of me wanted to backtrack and spend time with our co-workers. At least, not tonight. The moon was too full, and it made Sage’s eyes gleam.
“They won’t care,” she promised. “Besides, you’re my buddy tonight. Isn’t rule one of the buddy system to not split up?”
