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“You mean one of the waiters you used to work with when you did those evening events, right?”
“Yup.”
“Are you seeing him now?”
I roll my eyes. When Jess starts asking questions she knows the answers to that usually means I’m in trouble. “I told you it was the longest coffee date of my life and there was no way I was going out with him again. He might be cute, but he has absolutely zero personality.”
“I agree. No point wasting time with him, but if I recall correctly you also said the same thing about that other guy from your catering job. The one who’s a bartender.”
“Henry wasn’t much better. He seemed interesting enough at work, but during our first date he talked nonstop. He never asked me any questions about myself. It was like sitting back and watching the Henry Wallace show.”
“And that was about a month ago?”
“Yeah.” Okay, so I don’t get out much.
“Anyone since Curtis?”
I jump back, surprised because Jess’s voice is suddenly so close. I crack open the door and she’s standing in front of the changing room.
“I’ve been busy working,” I huff. “Not to mention why bother getting all dressed up, doing my hair, and slapping makeup on my face if I already know the date is unlikely to go anywhere?”
“Okay, let’s get straight to it. When was the last time you had sex?”
“Jessica!” I’m taken aback by her effrontery. How could she?
“Mimi, we’re all family here.”
“You know it annoys me when you call me that.”
“Okay. Miranda, honey, we all know about each other’s intimate life. Spill it. Everything I know I learned from my big sister.”
“You know it’s been a while.” I nearly whisper my response. I’m mortified.
“Exactly my point. You need to get some. Soon.”
“Maybe she’s going for that whole new trend of being a born-again virgin? I hear it’s popular among straight women. Men—gay or straight—would never fall for that.” Ray chuckles.
It’s really not intentional. I’ve just had the shittiest luck with men.
“Oh, honey, please don’t even think about going down that road. Take it from me. You want to make sure you test-drive the merchandise before you buy it. I’m not saying to sleep with every cock that walks your way, but do not enter a committed relationship without knowing that you’re on the same sexual wavelength,” Michelle exclaims before taking the first sip of her coffee.
“Amen.” Ray, Nikki and Jessica chime in at the same time.
I don’t even have to look at myself in the mirror to know that my cheeks are flaming red. “There’s nothing wrong with me waiting for the right one.” Okay, it’s a feeble attempt at saving face, but it could technically be true.
“Bullshit,” Michelle snaps. “How are you going to know he’s the right one if you don’t put yourself out there? Remember Philip?”
“Of course.” How can anyone ever forget him?
“I held out for the first four months while we were dating and he was patient. When I felt we were entering something solid, I gave in. Things fizzled real fast when I found out when he was hardcore about all this kinky BDSM shit. It works for some people, but I like my sex without chains and whips. Thank God I wasn’t married to him. Can you imagine finding out after tying the knot?”
“Exactly,” Jess shouts, waving her finger at me. “Miranda, you don’t want to end up in that boat.” She’s all over me now.
“Six months ago, I did put myself out there and if you remember correctly those months when I delusionally thought that I could find my dream guy on the Internet were the worst of my life. My profile clearly stated that I was looking for a long-term relationship. Most of the guys who contacted me were looking for a one-night fuck. I thought I would have better luck with guys I work with, but Curtis and Henry proved me wrong. Guys our age are awkward at best and let’s be honest, online dating absolutely sucks.”
I’ve tried. I really have. Since diving into this online dating thing, I’ve been on twenty-three first dates and only three of those guys called me for a second date. The score drops to zero for the number of third dates. Yup. My track record is awful.
“Tell me about it.” Is that Nikki? How can a gorgeous and outgoing woman like that need to resort to online dating? “A year ago, my older, shy, introverted sister, Melanie, became freaked out after celebrating her twenty-ninth birthday. Here she was nearly thirty and she was still single.” Oh, that explains it. It’s her sister who’s desperate. “Completely panicked, Melanie created a profile on a popular online dating site—which will remain nameless—and after a few months she was so discouraged, she was bordering on depression.”
