AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You’ve done fine. So has he.” I laugh. “He was telling me about your smooth ways in college before you dropped out.”
He covers his face with his hand. “Yeah, yeah. We did okay. Can we please change the subject?”
“Fine. I came here to make up with you and ask you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, what can I do to stop all of the resentment that’s built up? Most of what you hurled at me came from a place of truth.” I wrap my arms around myself protectively, ready to take whatever he’s going to give out.
Silence hangs in the air. I watch as Miles leans back in his chair, a myriad of emotions playing on his face. “I…don’t want to see you hurt again, Shay.”
“You’ve always been protective. I mean, we’re twins and you were born first. It’s kinda your job, I guess.” I try to keep my voice even.
His gaze turns distant. “It was…until pageants came along. And then your epilepsy diagnosis. Then cheerleading and the popular kids at school. Then there was Devon. It felt like you kept moving into worlds where I didn’t belong.”
I bite my lip, guilt washing over me. “I didn’t mean to push you away. Pageants were a way for me to build confidence. Mom made me take up cheerleading after the diagnosis. It wasn’t about leaving you behind. It was about me keeping up with smart, destined-for-greatness Miles.”
“You seriously thought that?” Miles looks at me like I’m nuts. “I always thought I was the loser of the family.”
My heart aches. “Hardly. Look what you’ve built.” I gesture around the room. “I’m always going to win the title of ‘most fucked up’ in our family. I’m so sorry about anything I’ve done that hurt you, I never wanted us to drift apart. For so many years I was trying to cope but I’ve grown, I’ve changed. And Austin…he’s going to be a part of my future.”
“Look, I don’t want to be the bad guy. But I’m scared for you. I know I hurled petty, spiteful things at you—but the truth is I’m worried. What if Austin breaks your heart? What if things don’t work out?” He clenches his hands together.
I shrug. Smile. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. For love, for my happiness.”
“Do you know about Austin’s childhood?” Miles clears his throat. “When he and I became friends?”
I shake my head slowly. “Some. Not enough. He’s indicated things were tough for him, but he hasn’t shared the details.”
Miles takes a deep breath. “There were many afternoons when I’d find Austin at our doorstep, crying. Once he had kids with Austin’s mom, the stepdad made it brutally clear that Austin wasn’t part of their family unit. And it wasn’t only the blatant exclusions during family events, it was the little things too. The way he’d speak to him, the way Austin would sometimes flinch at sudden movements. And worst of all, Austin’s mom, she never once defended her own son.”
The knowledge feels like daggers to my heart. I can’t believe anyone could treat any child that way, let alone someone as special as Austin. It makes so much sense now. When we talked about having kids, he was passionate about how important it is to show them love. “Don’t say anymore. I want to know, but I want to respect him enough to let him share all of this with me when he feels safer in our relationship.”
Miles shakes his head. “Good luck with that. Austin is extremely proficient at focusing on you and terrible at having you focus on him. Take it from me. He hates being a burden to anyone.”
I want to cry. I don’t want him to think anything he could tell me would be burdensome. “It’s heartbreaking.”
“Yeah.” Miles nods. “Austin leaned on our family—mostly me and Dad, an awful lot. We were his sanctuary, a place where he felt wanted.”
I digest what Miles has shared. “Do you think he thinks I can’t handle his past? Is that it?”
“It’s not about what you can handle.” Miles pauses, choosing his words. “It’s about Austin. He tends to immerse himself—no, lose himself in distraction from his personal life. With you, I’m worried he’ll lose himself entirely because you’re so…extra.”
I feel exceedingly defensive at my brother’s comment. “In my relationship with Devon, I molded myself to be what I thought he needed—what he said he needed. I thought I wanted to be like Mom. Marry someone with fame and wealth. Be taken care of. Bend over backward to be the perfect partner. If there’s anyone who understands losing one’s self in a relationship, it’s me. I won’t let that happen again, not to me and certainly not to Austin.”
“Shay.” Miles leans forward and rests his elbows on the desk. “I know you’ve been through a lot. And I know you and Austin are in the honeymoon phase. But you need to understand something. This isn’t about what you’ve been through; it’s about what Austin has endured too. He’s sensitive in ways you might not fully grasp yet.”
The insinuation stings. “You think I don’t understand sensitivity? After all my years of dealing with epilepsy, of being stared at and whispered about? I know sensitivity, Miles.”
“Sure, but Austin’s brand of sensitivity is tied to abandonment, to never feeling worthy. I’ve seen it. When we were kids, he was bullied. Other children excluded him because of rumors about his family. He’d get teased after his stepdad publicly reprimanded him. He’s always felt the need to prove himself, to be seen. You have to understand that it’s the same, but different.” Miles gets up and walks around to where I’m sitting and crouches next to me. “What I’m trying to say is, take care of each other. He needs a little TLC too.”
Miles’ revelations press heavily on my heart. “Okay. I need to fully digest what you’re saying to me.”
Miles takes my hand. “Look, I may not know a lot about love but I do know it’s not only about finding refuge in someone else. It’s about being a refuge for them too.”
“I think that goes for you and me too.” I get up from my chair. Miles stands and we hug. “I promise to do better. Speaking of which, aside from the company, what’s going on with you?”
Miles pulls away. “You know Austin wants to sell Hungry Llama when we’re at our peak so he can get involved in venture capital. I think if we make stupid money from this thing I’ll potentially go in an entirely unconventional direction.”
“Oh, really?” I jab him with my elbow. “Like what?”
“I’d like to get married, have kids. Maybe start a farm or something.” Miles purses his lips. Shrugs.
