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“I’m not defensive,“ I say without irony, considering I feel myself getting agitated. “I’m not going to let Austin lead me on the way Devon did. When am I going to be enough?”
My dad is aghast. “Is that truly how you feel? Shay, of course you’re enough. Why would you say that?”
“I wanted to make my own decision.” I deflate like a balloon. “I didn’t want to answer to anyone.”
Mom squints at me. “Do you see a future with Austin?”
I nod. Rip up more bits of napkin.
“Are you truly afraid he doesn’t want one with you?” Mom sips her coffee.
I nod again. “I think he’s undecided.”
Mom and Dad share another glance, a silent understanding passes between them.
She hesitates for a moment, then says, “Speaking of Devon—he reached out to us again.”
“He did?” My head snaps up. After I blew him off a few months ago, it didn’t occur to me he was still bothering my parents.
Dad nods. “A couple weeks ago he called. Wants your number. He said letting you go was a huge mistake. Since then he’s been remarkably…persistent.”
“God.” A sigh escapes my lips. The man hates to lose, that must be it. “Why now?”
“He claims he’s changed. Said he took you for granted and didn’t give you credit for all that you brought to the relationship. He seems genuine.“ Mom bites her lip. I can tell she’s struggling not to tell me what to do.
I rub my temples. “I can’t believe this. He’s so messy. I’m not adding Devon back into the mix of my life. He’s in my past.”
Mom and Dad exchange glances. Silent words pass between them.
A few minutes later, Dad leans back and runs a hand through his silvery hair. “Who the hell knows anything. Maybe you should have told Austin about the job. Maybe you shouldn’t have. Either way, I don’t see it as a reason for Austin to doubt your commitment to him. That’s the God’s honest truth.” He looks me dead in the eyes. “Remember, you’re the one in the driver’s seat. You. Are. The. Prize.“ He points at me with each word. “We love Austin, he’s a great guy. We can see how much he loves you. But if he’s not willing to trust you and support your decisions, you need to think about what’s best for you and consider your options.”
“By options, you’re not seriously suggesting I give Devon another chance?” I’m shocked. I know when I initially returned home, both my mom and dad were bummed about my breakup. They gave me some serious tough love. Over the past several months we seem to have figured all that stuff out.
Mom reaches across the table, taking my hands in hers. “It’s not up to us. All we want is for you to be happy and fulfilled. You also need to own your choices and the triumphs and repercussions.”
“The timing is so weird.” I wrinkle my nose.
She shrugs. “Devon seems sincerely happy to know you’re thriving. He told me he never asked you to give up your career to support him. Said you did that all on your own.”
“Um…” All the air in my lungs freezes. This whole “butter up the parents” thing feels a little—shady, when he’s actually undermining my recollection of events. I’ll bet he misses me now that he doesn’t have some poor sucker to make sure every one of his desires was fulfilled. “We never had a specific conversation about it, but it certainly was implied. Something kept me from trusting Devon enough to tell him about my epilepsy, which I think tells me everything I need to know about if he’s the right man for me. I want to be in a relationship with someone who loves all of me. Not curated parts. That man is Austin.”
“Hallelujah. Shay, I don’t think you realize how amazing you are.” Dad side hugs me. “From the time you were born people have been drawn to you. You make people feel comfortable. You’re a hard worker. You’re a beautiful girl—woman—inside and out. You don’t need to ever dim your shine. Not for any man.”
“Thanks, Papa.” I fiddle with the salt shaker. “So we’re clear, I’m not going back to Devon and it would be inappropriate for me to talk with him if he thinks he still has a shot. I’m with Austin.” I bury my face in my hands. “I want things to work with him, I need to figure out where we stand.”
Mom slides out of her seat and puts her coffee cup in the sink. “Shay, you’re our daughter and we merely want what’s best for you. But remember, relationships are about compromise. You have to be willing to work through the rough patches. There will be many over the course of a long relationship.”
I nod, my mind racing. “I know. I’m going to take some time to think. In the meantime, could you do me a favor and stop talking with Devon? It’s disrespectful to my relationship with Austin.”
“That’s fair.” My mother squeezes my shoulder. “Whatever you decide we support you. Follow your heart. It’ll lead you in the right direction. Now, I’ve got to get ready. Are you positive you’ll be okay here by yourself? We won’t be back until late tonight.”
I hug her before she heads upstairs. “I’ll be fine. I’m hoping to hash things out with Austin. I’ll leave you a note if I go back home to the condo.”
I take my cup of tea and stand at the back door to look out at the lawn overlooking the lake. The early morning light dapples the backyard, casting long, meandering shadows. For a moment, I let the peaceful scene outside soothe my frazzled nerves.
It’s impossible, though. There’s something else on my mind.
Something I haven’t told anyone. It’s too—petrifying.
