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My mind is a whirl. I have no idea what’s going on here, and my ignorance is frightening since I might not know enough to sustain my stolen identity.
“I’m not on any pills.” I don’t like the feel of his hands on my arms. They’re not violent. They’re intimate. “I haven’t broken our agreement.”
Amber had definitely broken it. She’d had those pills—maybe she’d been addicted to them. And she’d certainly betrayed William in other ways.
For just a moment, I’m hotly angry with Amber for acting the way she is.
William stares at me, his eyes so penetrating I feel utterly naked.
“You don’t believe me,” I say when he doesn’t respond.
“No. I don’t.”
“Then search my purse.” I thrust the bag over at him almost violently. I desperately hope he won’t do it since that notebook is definitely in there. But it’s better than him looking like I betrayed him. “Search the room. Search the whole damned place. There’s nothing here to find.”
I immediately regret the angry declaration since I have no way of knowing whether Amber stashed her stuff around the apartment in hidden corners.
But all the intensity leaves William anyway. He doesn’t take the purse I thrust at him, and his hands drop from my arms.
He stares, and for just a moment he looks bewildered, almost vulnerable.
William Worthing isn’t a vulnerable man.
The flicker of helplessness I see on his face makes something clench hard in my chest. I’m doing this because I’m desperate, because I don’t see any other good option.
But it isn’t fair to William.
This is his life I’m manipulating.
Absurdly, I want to comfort him, but there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I let out a thick sigh and finally land on a way out of this trap of an encounter.
“I’ve… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” I don’t have to feign the self-consciousness and hesitations. “I know I’ve messed up a lot. I’m trying… I’m trying to be better.”
His eyes narrow as he watches me. He doesn’t say anything.
“I’m… trying.” I lower my lashes to hide my eyes. “Maybe that’s why you think I seem… I seem different.”
When several moments pass and he doesn’t say anything—all I can hear is his heavy breathing—I peek up at him. His face has softened slightly, and his eyes aren’t so hard on my face.
I let out a relieved breath, hoping I’ve managed to protect my identity and smooth over the conflict with one stroke. “Okay?”
He inclines his head and lets out his breath. “Okay.”
I swallow hard. Then lean over to pick up my bag. I replace the pillbox and the small mirror that slipped out in William’s search.
I return the purse to its place in the entry hall and walk back to the media room since there’s nothing else for me to do.
William doesn’t join me again. He must go back into his office. At midnight, I head to bed.
An hour later, William comes to bed too.
I’m no longer used to intimacy of any kind, but that’s how it feels when William climbs under the covers beside me. I have to remind myself it’s all a pretense. This is Amber’s life, not mine. William is Amber’s fiancé, not mine.
Eventually, either Amber will come back to claim her life again or it will be safe enough for me to reclaim mine.
It will only complicate matters if I start to feel sympathy or annoyance or any real emotion at all with William.
I only need to maintain the illusion.
