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Oh shit.
“Well, I’m not.”
“I know that. But still… Don’t you think we just had the best conversation we’ve ever had.”
“Yeah.” My mind whirls, trying to sort through a way to handle this. “It’s my fault. I know. I’ve been too standoffish, and I’ve done a lot of hiding behind the superficial. But I’ve been working on myself lately, and I want to do better. I’d like to have some real friends, and honestly you’re my first choice.”
Her face softens. Melts. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry if I didn’t treat you right before, but I’m trying to do better now. If you still want to be friends.”
“Of course I do! I’ve always wanted to be friends. I just never felt like I could make much progress. I’m so glad you’ve been working on yourself. It seems like things have maybe improved with William too?” She makes the last sentence a question with a slight uplift in her tone.
“Yeah. Yeah, they have.”
“That’s so good. I always thought he was a great guy, no matter how much he tries to hide it under that überprofessionalism. You two have a lot in common. Always trying to hide who you really are from the rest of the world.”
“Y-yeah.”
“But I’ve never seen you so clearly in love with him as you’ve been today. When you did nothing but complain about him, I always wondered…” She shakes her head.
“I was a bitch. You can just say it.”
“I’d never say something like that. And you shouldn’t say it about yourself either. You’ve just always been really closed off. A lot of people are that way.”
“But not you.” I can’t help but smile at her.
She laughs. “Definitely not me.” She glances at her phone. “I’ve got to get going soon, but let’s set a time to get together later this week where we can hang out longer.”
I pull up the calendar on my phone. “Sounds good to me. I don’t have much going on this week, so what day works best for you?”
We plan a long lunch on Thursday, and I leave the coffee shop happier than when I came in.
* * *
Between getting back into work on jewelry and making an actual friend, I have a really good week. It goes quickly, and it’s Friday before I know it.
William has been working long hours this week like normal, and there are some days when I only see him at bedtime and first thing in the morning.
Usually he works in his home office in the evenings rather than staying at work, but on Friday he must have meetings or a business dinner or something because he texts me around five and says he won’t be home until late.
It shouldn’t matter to me. It’s not like we normally eat dinner together or hang out after work. But his text bothers me anyway. So much that, when I see it flash on my screen and read what it says, I don’t even reply. It sits there on my phone like a pesky ache, drawing just a little too much of my attention as I make myself a small steak and roasted vegetables and try to focus on first a book and then a movie.
Finally, having the red notification of an unread text bothers me so much I pull it up. Read it again.
I’m stuck here until late today. Will be after eleven.
That’s the first line of the message, but he left a space and added another three sentences that I couldn’t see in the preview pop-up.
Every little thing is making me crazy today. No idea why. Pretty soon I’m going to knock heads together.
I giggle at the second half of the message. I don’t know why it tickles me, but it does. It isn’t intimate or thoughtful or particularly meaningful. But it just feels so real. Like something normal to say to a partner about their day.
I tap out a reply.I know the feeling. I’ve been in a mood all day today too. Hope you can wrap things up sooner than you think.
I read my response over once and hit Send. Then read it again and wonder if the last sentence sounds too needy. Like I want him to come home soon.
I stress on it way too much as I see the three dots indicating he’s in the midst of replying.
