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I laugh, charmed by his characteristic dry humor. I can’t remember ever finding anything more appealing than William’s perfectly sober expression, broken only by the faintest twitch of his lips.
Instinctively, without thinking it through, I lean against his side, pleased when he puts one arm around me as we stand and look out at the view.
Not for the first time I wonder how Amber could be such a fool—to have a man like William and not want him.
Before I can second-guess the impulse, I hear myself asking, “Why are you doing this with me?”
I regret the question as soon as I voice it since it’s too vague, too easily misinterpreted, and reveals too much about the dangerous way my emotions are drifting.
He grows very still. “Doing what?”
“This… relationship. Our arrangement. I know it’s a practical arrangement, but it’s really far to go for a business deal. So I was just…” I gulp. “Wondering.”
He doesn’t respond immediately. Turns his head to look down at my face.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want. I just can’t help but wonder. I know I agreed to the arrangement too, but I have more obvious reasons than you. I don’t… My family lost our money. It would be nice to get it back. But you… you don’t need money. You already have a great reputation and a successful career. You don’t need the Delacourte name that badly although I understand why it would be nice for you to get it. So why… why…?”
Again, he doesn’t give an immediate answer. For just a moment, he looks almost trapped. Helpless.
I’ve never seen him look that way before.
“Can’t you tell me?” I ask very softly.
He lets out a thick breath and looks away, staring out at the city like we were before. “It was… an escape.”
“An escape from what?”
“From feeling like a failure.”
“What?” I grab for his shirt, trying to pull him around to face me. “What are you talking about? You’re the farthest thing from a failure I’ve ever seen.”
“Thanks for that. But the feeling isn’t rational. It’s planted deep. My dad and my uncle both made it clear I wasn’t likely to live up to their expectations. That truth was hammered home all my life. My dad wasn’t violent the way Arthur’s father sometimes was, but he was… so cold. Ruthless. I think he was trying to forge me into someone stronger because he always thought I was too weak and sensitive. But it proved to me over and over again that I’d never measure up.”
I’m horrified by this confession, by what it says about his family and background. “That’s despicable. I can’t believe they did that to you. Have you ever… talked through what they did to you? With a professional, I mean.”
“I’ve been to therapy. Starting in college and for years afterward. I’m convinced it’s the only reason I’m basically functional now. But then I got absorbed in work and found myself channeling all that pain into professional success. When I first approached you and you suggested the arrangement, I knew it wasn’t rational. I knew it was the voices of my dad and uncle still speaking to me from the grave. But I did it anyway. They could never get the Delacourtes on board, so if I could… If I could, it would prove something. Vindicate me.”
He laughs softly, slightly bitter. “I’ve also always been expected to marry and have children, especially when it became clear that Arthur was going to shirk that responsibility. After all, we need more Worthing heirs to pass on all our hang-ups and neuroses to. So a loveless marriage without children seemed like appropriate vengeance. Petty, but sadly true.”
I’m both intrigued and touched by his intimate revelation. I never dreamed I’d hear something so deep and real from him. It sits in my chest like a weight. I reach out to rub his back softly.
“I never would have pursued it,” he adds, glancing over. “I never would have thought of it myself. But then the idea was… dropped it my lap, and it felt like fate to me.”
The fake marriage was clearly Amber’s idea. She made it happen and then ran away.
I really wish I could shake her.
William doesn’t need anyone else to hurt him. He’s already had a lifetime of it.
We stand in silence for a long minute, wrapped up in our own thoughts. I feel closer to him right now than I’ve ever felt to anyone since Amber and I were close as kids.
I shouldn’t. It’s stupid and dangerous and wrong to feel this way about a man who is supposed to be with my sister.
But I do anyway.
“What about you?” His questions break into my reverie.
“What about me?”
