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He freezes.Freezes. Finally whispers, “What is it?”
I expect the words to get caught in my throat, but this time they don’t. They come out clearly. My heart hammers so much I can barely hear myself say, “I’m not Amber. I’m Jade.”
10
I’m notsure how I expect William to react. I’ve imagined this moment hundreds of times and have never settled on a response that felt true and inevitable. Anger, shock, outrage, betrayal, deep hurt. One of those or a combination of all of them. It’s part of why it’s been such a terrifying step for me to take.
I have absolutely no idea what will happen now.
He doesn’t do anything I might have expected him to do. He stays very still, staring at me fixedly until his knees buckle just slightly. He sways almost imperceptibly and takes a quick step to steady himself.
I run over instinctively, wrapping a supportive arm around him. He looks slightly sheepish and too pale as we make our way back to the couch and sit down.
He takes a couple of deep breaths until his normal color returns. Then, to my astonishment, his lips twitch up slightly. “Thank you for finally telling me.”
It takes several seconds for my mind to catch up. To make sense of his expression, of what it must mean.
Then I gasp dramatically. “You already knew?”
His eyes are soft, warmly amused. Nothing sharp or bitter. “Yes, I already knew.”
I’m hit with a tidal wave of shock and relief and confusion. “Then why… why didn’t you… How is this…?” I can’t complete a sentence. Or a thought. I’m shaking and have to twist my hands together to keep them still. “Why…?”
He reaches over and covers my trembling hands with one of his. He doesn’t say anything, but the touch is soothing, calming, gives me strength.
“You’ve known the whole time?”
“No,” he admits, dropping his eyes almost ruefully. “Not the whole time. Not anywhere close to the whole time. When that detective stopped by to question you, I finally figured it out. I’d known something wasn’t right—that something had changed—but none of my hundreds of possible theories were panning out. Discovering Amber had an identical twin sister was the last piece of the puzzle I needed. Finally the whole situation started making sense.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, still feeling disoriented and on the verge of tears.
William looks at me quietly with those brown eyes that have always been as speaking as anything he says with words.
I’m finally processing the significance of what he’s told me. All this time, as I’ve been desperately trying to play the role of Amber—as I’ve been wracked by guilt about having to deceive and betray him—he’s known all along. He’s been playing along, letting me stumble through the steps of a losing game.
“I can’t believe it,” I rasp, leaning forward and staring at the floor. “I’ve been so upset about the whole thing—so torn up about lying to you—and you were just… just…”
My tone isn’t angry or accusatory. I don’t feel anger at all. I have no idea what I feel.
“I wasn’t enjoying it either,” he says quietly. “Not the deception. But I didn’t know what was happening, and I needed to figure you out.”
I blink. Slant a look at him. “Oh. Yes. That makes sense.”
“You were a stranger, living with me, pretending to be my fiancée. I knew you were a better person than Amber. I knew that without doubt. But I still didn’t know what your motive was. Why you were doing it. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let down my guard until I did.”
I lower my eyes again. “Of course you couldn’t. There’s no way you should have trusted me. I would have done the same thing. I’m really sorry about the whole thing. I was desperate and didn’t know what else to do. But I didn’t want to lie to you. I never wanted to lie.”
“I concluded that. I had my people investigating you, but I couldn’t get to the real story. I knew you must have been desperate. In danger somehow. But the only stories I was uncovering were that you were mentally unbalanced and paranoid and lashing out against innocent men.”
I choke on a familiar outrage. “Those were Montaigne’s lies.”
“Yes. I know that now. But I didn’t know about Montaigne back then. Even then, I had trouble believing it. That I could have so completely fallen for…” He shakes his head. “I knew I hadn’t heard the real story yet, but I needed the real story. So yes, I played along. I didn’t tell you what I knew. And I kept waiting for you to finally tell me the truth.”
I’m shaking again—with a different emotion this time. “I’m so sorry, William. I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me.”
“I’ve already forgiven you. I won’t say it didn’t hurt, and I won’t say I was never angry, but the more I got to know you, the more I understood. And when you told me about Montaigne, I understood everything. I probably would have done the same thing if I was in your situation. I assume the swap was Amber’s idea?”
“Yes. I never would have dreamed of such a ludicrous scheme. She wanted…”
