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“I’m sorry. I meant Mercy,” I said, baffled by her strange behavior.
She sighed again and turned to look at me, her shoulders drooping. I got the distinct impression that, somehow, I’d completely missed the point.
“I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal,” I said, at a total loss. “If you prefer to be called Mercy, why go by Ravena most of the time?”
“Because she’s not me!” she said in a cry from the heart.
I blinked, my mind frozen for a moment. What did that even mean? Did she suffer from some kind of dual personality disorder? Her face constricted with such sorrow it tore at my heart. I straightened and sat at the edge of the bed.
“This,” Ravena said, waving at her body. “This is me, Mercy, with my Veredian markings and my sass. The carefree, independent woman who knows what she wants and goes for it, the side of me that you met on Venus Hive—the woman that I can be when we’re alone together. Ravena is a lie and Mercy is her prisoner!”
She ran her hands over her horns, gripping the tips like one would fist their hair in despair.
“I swore to myself I wouldn’t do this anymore. And yet, here I am, sinking deeper and deeper into the same pattern, pretending to be someone I’m not, following rules I don’t believe in so that you won’t be embarrassed or challenged, and curbing my personality to avoid creating conflicts and to fit in your world. I’m a free woman, but in practice, I’m your prisoner. I can’t do anything or go anywhere without first asking your permission.”
I shot to my feet, offended. “That’s not true!” I interjected. “You are free to come and go as you please.”
“It. Is. True!” she shouted. “Your fortress is my jail. I’m free to walk around—with guards shadowing me—as long as I remain within its gates. I can’t take Dajia out for a ride unless you accompany me. If I want to leave the compound for any reason other than going to my brother’s house, the guards turn me around because you’ve not authorized it. I can’t even get on my own fucking shuttle. So don’t tell me I’m not your prisoner!”
I blinked, digesting her words. Yes, the guards would request my consent first as they would for any man’s wife or concubine; by Braxian culture, women had no business outside the gates on their own.
“I will speak to them,” I said, curtly.
“And tell them what?” she asked, hardly pacified. “Let her go where she will but stick a tail on her ass? Have them turn her around if they disapprove of her destination?”
“You don’t know Braxia, and it isn’t safe!” I snapped, starting to feel irritated. Granted, the loss of privacy was unpleasant, but why couldn’t she understand that it was necessary and for her own protection?
“Would you treat me the same if I were a man?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
“No, I would not,” I answered honestly, without flinching. “A female roaming around all alone is considered worthless and therefore free-for-all. But even males do not travel alone, Mercy. They will always have at least one person with them. You think I’d allow less for you? Am I extra protective because you aremywoman? Yes. But even had there been no personal relationship between us, you would have been treated the same. This is Braxia.”
She huffed and shook her head.
“What of my career that takes me halfway across the galaxy on a regular basis to meet clients and assess their needs directly on their terrain? Sometimes I need to leave with minimal notice and be gone for weeks. Are you going to oppose that?”
I didn’t speak, but my eyes expressed all that I felt at that prospect. To my shame, since her arrival in my life, I’d come to realize open-mindedness was easy to grant to others, but when it came to loved ones—to my woman—I still clung to a backwards and controlling mentality. I wasn’t as evolved as I’d believed.
“So that’s my future, here?” she asked, bitterly. “That’s the future of my child if it is the Goddess’ will that she should be unfortunate enough to be born female? And what of a boy? Will he also be kept under lock and key to prevent him from being hunted by those who would ignore your laws protecting hybrids? If our children are born with markings,” she said, waving at the spotted pattern on her arm, “will they also be prisoners of their own bodies?”
I’m losing her.
I’d been sensing it for a while, but never so acutely as in this instant. Getting her pregnant and taking her on tours to the clans’ compounds had been but a few of the ways my subconscious had tried to bind her to me, to Braxia. But deep in my heart, I’d always known this world had too little to offer and too many constraints for one such as her. Still, it felt like my blood had turned to acid.
“You want to leave me,” I said, making no effort to hide the pain crushing me from within.
She recoiled and stared at me, stunned for a moment, and then her face crumpled into that earlier expression of pure sorrow. Ravena hugged herself, one hand rubbing her upper arm, as if seeking comfort.
“No,” she said with a small voice, shaking her head.
I approached her and carefully drew her into my embrace. To my relief, she didn’t fight, snuggling against me instead. One arm around her waist, I held the back of her head, her cheek resting on my chest. Her naked body trembled slightly against me, making my heart ache.
“I’m falling in love with you, Ravik. But I don’t think I can do this, live like this,” she whispered.
“And I’m falling in love with you, too, Mercy,” I said against her hair. “Give me time. Things are already radically changing on Braxia, in large part thanks to you. I can’t lose you. I won’t. We can make this work. I just need you to give me a bit more time. Can you do that for me? For us?”
She looked up at me, her obsidian eyes overly bright and glistening, then nodded with a small, trembling smile. I smiled back and caressed her face, letting my fingers run over the markings along her neck and shoulder line.
“Mercywillget to come out of the shadows and live in the light,” I pledged. “On my honor, I will personally see to it.”
