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“I’m not trying to save you. I’m trying to love you!” Vince is yelling now.
“But you make it fucking impossible sometimes. Lyndsey, you need to let people in. Who gives a fuck about what they think or what your dad’s girlfriend thinks?” His voice is breaking now. I look up and see a single tear tracing his cheek.
“Vince, I’m trying!” I yell, exasperated. “I took you to my fucking family’s house! What more do you want from me?”
“I don’t know,” Vince says quietly.
He rolls down the window, punches in the gate code, and silently drives into the garage. I get out of the car the minute he unlocks it, taking furious gulps of fresh air.
Vince reaches for me when he exits the driver’s side, but I dodge his touch.
“I think it’s best if I sleep in the guest room tonight,” I say stiffly as I walk into the foyer.
Violet’s tail thumps happily when she sees me. She settles on my feet and leans against me. She’s a trained emotional support animal. She knows how to watch out for people exhibiting signs of emotional distress. I scratch her ears. Vince stares at me, finally breaking the silence.
“If that’s what you want,” he says numbly.
I march upstairs, retrieve my toothbrush from his bathroom, and grab a pair of pajamas from the drawer he designated for me. I get ready in the guest bathroom, silent, furious tears streaming down my face. I wish I knew why I was like this, why I feel the irrepressible urge to push people away the moment they get close to me.
The guest bed is plush but cold. I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping cocooned by the warmth of Vince’s wiry frame, in our bunks. We wake up as a tangle of limbs, his hand cupping my hipor my ass. I never knew what it was like to wake up feeling loved first thing in the morning. But he runs his fingers through the knots in my hair and calls me beautiful. Why do I want to push that away?
I toss and turn all night. I use a cushy pillow to muffle my screams. I give up on sleeping and glance at the digital clock beside the table. It’s 3 A.M.
I grab my pillow and tip-toe up to Vince’s room. I test the knob, and the door’s unlocked. It opens softly, and I can see the moon reflected on that ridiculous mirror on the ceiling. Vince is snoring. I slowly crawl onto the bed and wrap my arms around his torso, pulling in close and breathing in his earthy scent.
I kiss the back of his neck, and he stirs.
“Please, tell me this is Lyndsey.”
“Who else would it be?”
“Dunno. I’m pretty sure this place is haunted.” He rolls over to face me, pressing his forehead against mine.
“How are you feeling?”
“Weird. I’m not trying to make excuses, but that was a bizarre day, and I’m sorry I took it out on you.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have snapped,” Vince mumbled.
Tentatively, I kiss his lips. The tension fell away from my body like a heavy winter jacket I could leave piled on the floor. Vince leans closer. I loop my arms around his neck and toss my leg over his side, feeling his erection press against my inner thigh. He slips his tongue into my mouth, and I groan.
I still loved the taste of him, the subtle mint of his organic toothpaste. I deepen our kiss and grind my pelvis against him. He reaches down, toying with the waistband of my underwear.
“Is this, okay?” he whispers. I watch as the moonlight illuminates the chiseled curves of his abs, making his hair shine ocean dark.
“Of course ,it is,” I mumble against his lips.
To prove my point, I place my hand over the top of his and peel off my underwear. Vince palms the underside of my thigh before sticking two fingers into my entrance and starting a forward motion. He arches his fingers toward my clit, and my hips bucked in response. I hook my legs around his waist as he reaches his fingers deeper inside me.
He bends his head down and sucks on my nipple, which pebbles in pleasure. I missed his touch, how he knew my body's machinery on instinct now. I kiss him; I let him hold me, placing his palm on my shoulder blade.
I grab his hard-on, feeling him stiffen as my hands grasp his shaft. I lift my hips as Vince guides himself underneath me. I let him take me.
We fuck at a furious pace, exorcising mutual frustration in ourselves and each other as he thrusts deeper into me. I scratch my nails down his back and dig the half-moons of my nails into his biceps.
We kiss with hunger. We kiss like we want to swallow each other whole.
Our lips crash together as I slip my tongue into his mouth. I am open, wide, and aching for him, and it’s not like I am unfulfilled alone, but I have to ask what it would be like to let myself be filled by someone else. Vince grips my hip bone, and I jerk upward. I grab a handful of his hair and pull him close. We toe the thin line between fucking and fighting. We hold each other like this time might be our last.
