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He truly is the God of Wrath, enjoying every bit of my revenge. He smiles weakly beneath me and his beautiful features ease my hatred for a moment.
I despise him. I do… but my stupid heart still cries for him. Still longs for his touch and his blood. But most of all, for the way he looks at me and for the love I know his heart still carries. He’s been enduring everything alongside with me. The torture I face, he faces without batting an eye. I’m never alone with my bonded male, and in a twisted and sad way, I’ve become reliant on it.
I smile back and lean forward onto his bloody chest. I press my lips against his and slip my tongue into his mouth. His hands gently glide up the smooth skin of my lower back.
Though I hurt him and abuse him for his sins against me, he’s never once been cruel to me. He touches me with kindness and tenderness. In hopes, perhaps, that one day I will forgive him and return to my loving self. But the unfortunate thing is thatthatgirl is dead.
She died in the forest on the other side of Bresian nearly a year ago. She turned to ashes with the lies and haunted fate she was dealt. Even if some shallow part of me wishes I could be her again, I know that I can’t.
I’m ruined. Rotten. Twisted. And though I’m sure he wants that girl back as much as I do, I think Arulius likes the new me. He’s loved me no matter who I am or what I do.
I let out a sigh and roll onto my back next to him.
Arulius glances nervously at me. “Are you feeling okay today, love?” He props himself up on an arm and runs his fingers through my hair gently. I stare at the painted ceilings above us. Gold leaves and vines wrap delicately across the ceilings and hold stone carvings of Eostrixes. Eostrixes are held above all other creatures, I’ve learned in my time here. Cypresses and Dreadiuses are allowed to participate in court as well, but Moss Sparrows and other bloodlines are not to rise above commoners and workers around the castle.
“Yes—why do you ask?” I mumble.
He raises a brow and turns my chin until my gaze is resting on his. The amethyst glimmer steals my breath every damn time. “You seem… melancholic today. You’re not being as violent as you usually are,” he teases and runs his fingers over the wounds I inflicted on him. The bruises and cuts heal as if they’d never existed at all, the skin melding back together like a tape in rewind.
I roll my eyes and narrow my gaze. “I was just thinking of how much I resent you. That’s all.” I shrug and he smiles, leaning in closer to me. I harden my expression but my heart thumps traitorously for him.
“You’re an awful liar, love.” His nose brushes against mine and I turn to avoid his kiss. His lips press softly on my cheek and he lets out a sigh. I’ll let myself accept the pleasure he offers, his companionship, and his kindness. But I won’t let him give me his love.
Never again.
He willneverhold my heart. He ruined me so completely, undid all the fixing and gluing he’d managed before his betrayal.
“You’re wrong,” I murmur, sounding a lot more somber than I’d like. I glance over at him after he doesn’t say anything for a few moments. His sun-kissed skin and gold-tipped hair gleam in the last beams of the sunset. The drops of light dapple his cheek brilliantly, leaving him as the last lit gem in the dimming room. I stare into his gaze and he gives nothing away, his expression steady and calm.
“Why do you fight it, love?”
“Fight what?”
He brings his hand to his chest. “I can feel your heart, your feelings… I can feel the pain and suffering that my actions caused you.” He looks away as if his words are stinging his eyes. “I know you can feel my pain too. The remorse and regret, the weight of you rejecting my love… Why are you fighting?”
I glare at him. He’s not wrong and I hate it. I know he can feel what I’ve been enduring, and his pain… it’s made my own even harder to carry. I don’t want to fight my heart. Iwantto give in. Iwantto indulge and let myself have this one thing.
Him.
But if I do that, if I give in… I’m a traitor to myself. To Kastian, Margo, Wren, Moro, and Murph. To all the creatures that are relying on me to bring them back. They’ve been dead for such a long time and I don’t plan on leaving it that way. Ican’tleave it that way.
Still—there’s a small part of me that believes he will release me one day. Let my powers truly be mine and free from his grasp.
“Will you let me reincarnate the dead? Resume the Rhythm of the realms? Let me return home to all my friends?”
Arulius’s lips tighten and his brow furrows. “You know I can’t do that.”
“That’swhy I fight.”
That’s right. I needed that reminder too.
My heart yearns for them. I often wonder how they’re doing. Who’s taking care of Margo and making sure Kastian and Wren don’t fight? Did they all split up or have their friendships held without me? My heart sinks at the thought of them moving on without me, but maybe they should…
I look back toward the window and watch as the last beam of the suns’ light withers beneath the mountains. Violet’s balcony resides on the back side of the main castle. Unfortunately, Arulius’s terrace has a direct line of sight to it. I still haven’t determined if she knows it or not because the distance is at least a few hundred feet, but I watch her each evening as the suns say goodbye to another day. I watch her as she waits until the stars light the sky.
She’s still waiting for Lucius.
At first I found it fitting for such a cold-hearted bitch, but the longer the days and weeks drew out and the longer I watched her religiously wait in her solemn silence… I found that it wasn’t fitting. It’sthisvery pain and suffering that has made her who she is. The pain that destroyed everything.
