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I froze.
“What?” Carter asked in a tone that was pure ice where he was normally sunshine.
Time suspended itself and everything moved in slow motion as I watched Carter’s body turn in his chair. A hundred years passed, and at the same time, it was instant. I had all the time in the world to consider every expression that could mirror his face: Shock, confusion, anger, disgust, hatred.
Yet, there’d never be enough time to prepare for how he would actually look at me.
Chapter Twenty Six
Carter
PENELOPEROSEFROMHERCHAIR. “You done?”
I smiled at her, trying to convey all the words I couldn’t say here.
I know this was a shit show. It’s almost over. Stay on earth. I love you.
I nodded. “Thanks, Pep.”
She grabbed my plate and walked into the house. Once she was through the doors, I removed myself from the chat between our moms and slipped into Penelope’s chair next to her dad. I cleared my throat. Dan clasped his hands between his elbows on the table and raised an eyebrow at me as if anticipating what I was about to say.
“We obviously didn’t expect any of this to happen today. In hindsight, considering the family dynamics, maybe we shouldn’t have been so secretive.” I flexed my fingers together.Fuck.I’m so nervous. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve never felt like this around Dan before. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wasn’t not telling anyone because I see things casually, or...” I shook my head.Why can’t I talk right now?“I respect her, and I respect you– all of you. I just want you to know that I had no intentions or expectations with Penelope when I moved back. Things progressed quickly because I’ve been– I’ve felt very strongly about her for a long time. Before either of us moved. And when we began working together, I realized those feelings hadn’t really gone away.” I tried squeezing the tension out of my jaw. I sighed. “She became my best friend before she became anything else. She’s still my best friend, and our friendship will always come first.”
Dan seemed to take a moment to consider what I’d been saying. I was trying to make it clear that I was in no way asking for his permission. Penelope wouldn’t tolerate something so traditional– nor would she listen if he refused to give his blessing. I think Dan knew that, though. I suppose I was having this conversation more for myself than anything.
I could see how secretly hooking up with the daughter of my father’s best friend, a man who himself has felt like a father to me, could become a gray area. It may paint the idea that I was only using Penelope for sex and wanted to avoid other people knowing about it so I could easily walk away. I wanted to make sure Dan knew that wasn’t the case. More for myself than for anyone. I always felt like Dan and I had our own kind of relationship, and when I was younger, I imagined I would be someone he’d approve of. I wanted to make sure that hadn’t changed.
Dan opened his mouth to respond, but more words had gathered at the tip of my tongue and I cut him off, “I know Penelope has had a really tough year. I know she’s been through a lot with all of the college stuff, so I want you to know that I’ll make sure she keeps working through it. That I’ve been helping her through it and I’ll keep doing that. I’ll make sure she always knows how capable and brilliant she is. And I won’t be a distraction. I know how demanding her schedule will be and I won’t pull her away from that. I want her to succeed in all of her goals as much as you do, and above all else, I’ll be her best friend and her biggest cheerleader.”
My word vomit seemed to have spilled across the table in front of us and was laying out for all the world to see. I don’t think I’d ever been more vulnerable with anyone outside of Penelope before. I was almost embarrassed of all that I said, but not enough to take it back. I needed to say those things, and I needed him to hear them.
I looked at Easton who was watching the two of us like it was his favorite soap opera. Dan’s eyes were dancing with amusement as he watched me spill my guts. Dan paused for a moment, seeming to ensure I was finally done talking. He cleared his throat. “Carter, are you asking for my blessing to date my daughter?”
I immediately shook my head. “Nope.” I laughed. “You know Penelope better than that, and so do I. If she wants to be with me, she will. If she doesn’t, she won’t. If she even thought I would dare to ask your permission, she’d kick my ass.”
All three of us erupted in laughter.
Dan nodded. “I don’t know about you, E, but I’d say Penelope could definitely do worse.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t do it for Penelope, or Dan, or Easton, or anyone but myself. I’d never ask for permission on anyone’s behalf. Penelope would always make her own choices regardless of the opinions of any other person. But Dan was someone I respected, cared about. I held him in high regard, and I needed to know he thought the same of me. Especially now.
“Ha, yeah,” Easton snickered. “At least she’s not hooking up with her college professor anymore, right?”
“What–” I began to ask. Dan’s face looked stunned, and then dropped as his eyes focused on something behind me.
What thefuckis he talking about?
Penelope told me the only person she’d ever been with before was James, someone she met at Oxford. My mind raced backward, thinking through every conversation I’d had with her about him. I had assumed he was a student, but I couldn’t remember a time she’d actually specified it.
I couldn’t fathom why she wouldn’t just tell me that. I supposed it was taboo, but I’d heard about it enough times to know it wasn’t illegal. I thought most policies were that students just couldn’t date one of their direct professors.
Unless James was one of her professors?
My temples ached as my brain worked a million miles a minute to connect the details that Penelope had apparently failed to tell me herself. She said she was rejected from Oxford because she submitted a fraudulent letter of recommendation. Unless…the letter itself wasn’t fraudulent, but a conflict of interest. If she was dating her professor, a professor in her department, and he wrote her a letter of recommendation because they were seeing each other, then surely that could be grounds for rejection if her relationship ever came to light, right?
I turned around to find Penelope frozen halfway between the door to the house and the place I was sitting. I noticed Jenna and my father had been standing by the backdoor. The girls and Lena were nowhere to be seen.
“James? James was yourprofessor?” I asked her.
