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I didn’t know too many women named Shalom in Memphis, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that ex was me. I put two and two together, knowing if he was here and a lawyer, there was a good chance that friend was Mecca.
“I have to go,” I blurted, hopping into my car. “But thank you, Parker. You have my approval with Carina, for what it’s worth.”
He gave me a comfortable smile and patted his chest.
“Thank you, Shalom. Please let Carina know when you’ve made it home and tell her to let me know too.”
“I will. Thanks again.”
He gave me a bob of his head before turning and heading toward the revolving doors of the place I’d just left. My eyes shifted in that direction only for a brief moment. The thought of Mecca being inside had me cutting my car on and swerving out of the parking lot as quickly as I possibly could. Everything inside of me wanted to go to Carter, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want my negative feelings for Mecca to make Carter shine in a more positive light. We’d been doing good keeping our distance for the last six months. Men wouldn’t change that.
I drove home aimlessly, thinking about me and Mecca the entire time.
How we met my freshman year of high school. It was a slow build I suppose. We first saw each other walking the halls. Our eyes locked so long we’d have to turn to keep sight of each other. He smiled at me, beamed at me, like just the sight of me made him happy. A couple of weeks of that led to him working up the courage to sit with me at lunch. Silently. A month of that led to him walking me home. Finally, a week of that led to him uttering his first words to me.
After that, we were inseparable.
I gave him my virginity, we were homecoming queen and king our sophomore and junior years, and at prom our senior year… I got pregnant. Well, Mecca would saywewere pregnant. Even back then, he had a partner mentality that made me feel safe with him. Though we were young and still kids ourselves, he made me feel secure taking things to the next level.
One minute we were planning our forever, and the next, he was leaving a letter with my parents saying he only used me for my virginity and that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me he was leaving early for school and to use the money he’d put in the envelope to get an abortion. The letter also said if I didn’t he would tell the world I was a whore who trapped him and tried to ruin his future. He told me he was changing his number and never wanted to hear from me again.
I was so distraught I agreed with my parents’ idea to terminate the pregnancy. They’d been nagging me about me and Mecca moving too fast anyway. I didn’t think I would be able to raise a baby on my own, so as much as I hated doing it, I got the abortion Mecca wanted me to have. As soon as the procedure was done, it felt like my parents shipped me to Atlanta so I could get settled in my dorm early.
College was horrible. I cried daily over the baby I no longer had. It wasn’t until my junior year that I started to come out of my depression, but even still, it always plagued me during certain parts of the year—like the anniversary of the abortion, Mecca’s birthday, and what would have been our anniversary.
By the time I got home, I was even more hurt. Mecca seemed so angry with me. How could I have been so foolish to think he was as kind and loving as he was? How could he be so angry at me for getting pregnant? Then he tricked me into thinking he was happy about it and going to be by my side, just to crush our future and my heart with a lousy letter.
Weakly, I made my way inside my home. I usually never got into bed with my clothes on, but I didn’t have the strength to care. I climbed in, covered myself in the warmth of my sheets and comforter, and cried.
* * *
All it took was me texting my heart hurts in our group chat, and my parents and sister showed up at my front door. They’d been here for hours. My parents were in the living room and Heaven was in bed with me. Though I wanted my parents’ advice and comfort, I was upset with them all over again. They made the last year of my relationship with Mecca hell because of their reservations. On top of that, I felt pressured into the abortion because they made it clear they weren’t going to raise my child if I gave up my future to have it.
So many emotions from fifteen years ago were consuming me, and I felt so overwhelmed by them. I was all cried out as I lay my head in Heaven’s lap. She was taking my sew-in down so she could grease my scalp. The gesture was an act of love and service that our grandmother drilled into us years ago—greasing scalps and washing feet while singing gospel hymns for those who were hurting somehow made all things better.
A quiet knock sounded on the door before my mother poked her head in.
“Baby, you keep getting a call from a woman named Violet.”
My eyes rolled as I reached for the phone. To maintain professionalism, I’d answer her call, though it was fuck Mecca and everyone attached to him… except for Parker. Parker was cool.
Just as Mama handed me the phone, Violet was calling again.
I answered with, “Hi, Violet,” as I sat up from Heaven’s lap.
Her sigh of relief was the first thing I heard before she said, “Thank goodness you answered. One second. I’m going to put you on speaker for a conference.” A beat of silence filled the line before she said, “Okay, Shalom, Mecca is in the office with me and…”
He sucked his teeth. “If I would have known you were calling her, I would have left.”
“And if I would have known he was there, I wouldn’t have answered,” I replied.
“Guys, please, can we ju—”
“I have nothing to say to her. She’s a lying, selfish, thot and I want nothing to do with her.”
Gasping, I hopped out of bed. With a growl, I paced. “And he’s a narcissistic, lying, user! He can’t be trusted, and I willneverwork with that… that… whore!”
“Fuck you, Lom!” he yelled from a distance.
