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We were playing around as he tickled me. When I pushed him away, the cheap ring I had on cut him. He didn’t get upset. All he said was he’d buy me one that was of better quality. And he did. I threw the ring away after he broke up with me, and I regretted it ever since.
I wanted something good to remember him by, and I’d gotten rid of everything except one picture of us and the stuffed teddy bear he’d won me at the fair one year.
He drew my attention to his wide, pink lips when he licked them. Aged Mecca favored that actor onHow to Get Away with Murder. Gabriel, I think was his name. They even had the same wavy hair and shaped head. He was so beautiful I couldn’t stop staring at him. My fingers lifted to trace the scar. Mecca allowed me to for a few seconds. If I was crazy, I’d swear he stopped breathing because his chest stopped moving. A few seconds passed before he took my hand into his and looked down at it.
“Where’s your ring?”
His finger grazed my ring finger and chills covered my arms. Pulling out of his grasp, I crossed my arms over my chest to hide my pebbling nipples.
“I, um… threw it away after everything happened.”
Sadness covered his face as he nodded. “All I kept was a picture and that bear you gave me for Valentine’s Day.”
We shared a soft laugh after I told him I had the same amount of items. “I should replace it,” he said more to himself than me.
“Huh?” I asked, unsure I heard him correctly.
His head shook as he licked the corner of his mouth and swallowed. “Nothing. I was hoping you would hear me out about the case. I really want us to put our past behind us and work on this together, but if we can’t I understand. If you have a look at what I’ve compiled so far, you’d understand why I’m here. This is bigger than us, Lom, and these people really need our help.”
Squeezing the back of my neck, I nodded. “I’ll stop by the office and have a look, then let you know.”
“Okay. That works for me. Thank you.” He stood, and even though I wouldn’t dare say it, I hated that he was leaving. “I’ll have Gloria call and set up a time for you to come in.”
Nodding, I turned forward and whispered a soft okay. He stared at me for a few seconds before walking away. Conversation picked back up at the table while Heaven squeezed my hand and asked me if I was okay. Blinking rapidly, I nodded and forced a smile. If this would be my new normal, at least temporarily, I’d have to get used to being back in Mecca’s presence… no matter how uncomfortable that may be.
I’d done my first virtual therapy session for the day and though it drained me, it gave me a sense of peace too. After sharing with Tandra the full story of what happened years ago, she gave me an analogy that perfectly described what I had been feeling. Divorce, or the ending of a relationship a person thought would last forever, can often feel like death. And when we don’t take the time needed to properly grieve that loss, it consumes us. Sometimes we never fully get over the loss; sometimes we only learn how to live with it.
I hadn’t given myself the grace needed to grieve losing Shalom and our child. Worse, seeing her in my office literally felt like I was seeing a ghost. A person who was dead to me had come back to my life, and I didn’t know how to handle that. Tandra challenged me to continue to work through the grief of our baby like Pops suggested, and she also asked me to be honest about my feelings for Shalom. I wasn’t ready to deal with that just yet, but I knew I would need to eventually.
I wanted to share what I’d learned with Shalom but decided against it. She was the cause of the death of us, so I didn’t think she had as hard of a time as I did processing it. It was easier hating her than being at peace with her. Seeing her in the restaurant over the weekend made my heart soft. All I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her and make up for lost time. I wanted to give her a ring to replace the one she’d thrown away. That truth made me feel like a fool.
My mind was in overdrive trying to process these new feelings, but I was determined to put them aside and remain professional when we were in each other’s presence again.
The vibrating of my phone pulled me out of my thoughts. At the sight of my little cousin’s number, joy filled my heart. Symphony was sixteen and one of the smartest kids I knew. Often, she reminded me of my unborn child because they would have been almost the same age.
“Hey, Sym,” I answered, lowering the volume on the TV.
“Hey, cuz.” She sniffled, and at the sound of her crying, I sat up in my seat.
“What’s wrong?”
“Mama put me out and my dad isn’t answering. Can I come and stay with you?”
“What?” I leaped from my seat and headed to my bedroom. “Why did she put you out?”
“Because I’m pregnant!” She cried harder. “She told me I was being fast and she’s not going to take care of me and a baby. I don’t have any of my clothes or my stuff for school tomorrow.”
Cursing under my breath, I grabbed my wallet and keys. “Where are you now, Symphony?”
“I’m outside on the porch.”
“Okay. I’m on my way. Keep trying your dad, but of course, you can stay here with me.”
She sniffled again before saying, “Okay. Thanks, Mecca.”
After disconnecting the call, I slipped into a pair of house shoes and rushed out of the house. I didn’t give a damn about how I looked. I just wanted to get to my baby. Uncle George was my favorite uncle, and I couldn’t believe his ex-wife had put their child out. It shouldn’t have surprised me. Aunt Rachel was old school and traditional, and so was her side of the family my father’s brother had married into.
The entire time I drove, I thought about Symphony’s situation. I hated that she’d gotten pregnant so young, but I was no one to judge. As smart as she was, she was taking honors classes and would be able to graduate a year early. Next year, she would only have to take one class, then she would be done. All I could think about was how my parents said a baby would ruin my life, and I imagined Aunt Rachel was saying the same thing to Symphony. The only difference was, my parents didn’t put me out, and even if they did, I was old enough to work and try to provide for myself.
