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“Bitter, angry, entitlement,” I supplied, making him chuckle.
“Yeah, that. So I just want to apologize. Seeing you break down like that last night did something to me. It opened my eyes to my own issues and how wrong I’ve been. I should’ve treated you better and been there for my niece.” He paused, shifting slightly in his seat. “I know you said you want nothing to do with me, but I was wondering if we could try and have our own relationship that didn’t include our father?”
It was quite typical that he came to this conclusion after I gave up hope. That was what men often did. I couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t nice to hear Jeremy finally speak his truth, but so much damage had been done. Was one apology enough to fix that?
“Thank you for apologizing and sharing your truth along with acknowledging mine.” My eyes watered as I admitted, “I’ve waited a really long time for that.”
“I’m sorry it took so long. And I know an apology doesn’t magically fix things, but I want to work to change things for us and my niece. Let me show you with action that I’m serious about this, and if you feel you can’t trust me or that I’m not being consistent enough, I’ll walk away.”
That seemed fair. I told him I would consider it and talk to Lis about it. Regardless of what happened between us, I would let her decide if she wanted to be around him herself. We said our goodbyes, and surprisingly at the door, he gave me a hug.
That was the first time my brother hugged me since we were teenagers. The longer he held me, the more emotional I got. Before I knew it, we both were crying, and I realized just how fucked up having Victor as our father made us. But we were adults now, and it was our responsibility to heal. Whether my brother was being serious or not, I meant it when I said I was done with them. If he wanted that to change, he would have to show and prove.
* * *
“I think we should do something nice for Ru,” Alisia said, seemingly out of the blue.
Since her father canceled on her, he’d been extra present. We hadn’t really been spending a lot of time together alone because our focus had been the kids, and I was okay with that. He decided to go ahead and tell AJ about Veronica being pregnant and not seeing him for a while. AJ was frustrated and defeated, but since he was so used to not having her around, he assured Amaru that he would be okay.
For the past week or so, all of our free time had been going to them. I’d been more loving and nurturing with him, and Ru was more loving and present with Lis. He’d just left the house after stopping by to help her with some math homework that was beyond me. To celebrate her getting every question on her homework right, he got her a seafood boil from her favorite place. It was little stuff like that that made her happiest.
So I guess her saying that wasn’t out of the blue. Amaru had shown up for her, and she wanted to do something nice for him in response. I still wanted to get inside her head a little, so I asked, “What do you mean?”
Alisia wiped her hands as she finished up her food. Mama was having dinner with Amanda this evening, so I decided to make boiled chicken and rice for myself. Instead of eating in the dining room, Lis ate at the island to keep me company while I cooked.
“Amaru has been here since I was a baby and I’ve never really thanked him for it. I know you do, but I haven’t.”
“Why haven’t you?”
She scratched her nose, briefly avoiding my eyes. “I felt like if I did, that would make my daddy mad if he ever found out.” Alisia shrugged. “I don’t know. It just felt like if I admitted how much I loved Amaru and appreciated him I would be going against my daddy.”
Leaning against the island, I resisted the urge to comfort her immediately. I wanted to give her space to get out exactly how she was feeling.
“Has that feeling changed?”
Alisia nodded. “Yes. I know now that my daddy doesn’t want to be in my life and that makes me appreciate Amaru even more. He didn’t have to be here, and he didn’t have to do all the things that he does, but he chooses to, and that makes it even more special. Even if I never see my daddy, I got Amaru and that’s all I need. I’m lucky to have him and I want him to know I appreciate him.”
Blinking back my tears, I finally made my way across the island and sat next to her. “I love the idea of that, sunshine. How would you like to show him your appreciation?”
“Well, AJ and I were talking and…”
“Oh, God.” I couldn’t stop myself from groaning, making her laugh. When those two put their heads together, it would either be really good or really bad.
“Hear me out!”
“Okay, okay, I’m listening.”
“So, he doesn’t have a mom and I don’t have a dad. Well, we have them, but they aren’t in our lives. You two are. So, I want to ask him to be my God-daddy. That way he’ll be more like my daddy, not just your best friend. And I know you two are dating but you told me not to get my hopes up about marriage. So even if you let him go, I’ll still have him.” She pulled a card out that she’d made for Amaru, and I could barely read it as my eyes watered. “What do you think? Maybe you can help me cook him dinner and get him a gift since that’s what he always does for us. And give him this card and ask him. Do you think he’ll say yes?”
My head nodded rapidly as I wiped my eyes and stared at the card. With a smile, I pulled her into my arms and gave her a side hug.
“I know he’s going to say yes. He’ll probably cry a little too.” We shared a soft laugh as I gave her a kiss on the temple. “This is beautiful, sunshine. He’s going to absolutely love it. And I know the perfect gift you can get him. I’ll take you to the mall when I’m done eating.”
“Yay! Let me go call AJ and tell him. I’m so excited! He’ll be even more like my brother now.”
I was able to maintain my composure until she left the kitchen, but as soon as she was gone, heavy sobs escaped me. For the first time in a long time, this was a soul-cleansing happy cry. It felt like I’d finally done something right in the men's department for me and my child—and that something, or someone, was Amaru. Alisia was wrong about one thing though… I didn’t plan on letting him go any time soon—if ever.
Twenty-Seven
