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Ari was strong enough to support her mother—working part time all through high school, even as she was dealing with the tragic loss of her father when she was thirteen.
And Ari was strong enough to stand by me—sixteen, angry, and hurting—comforting me while I raged against the loss of my parents and the sudden move to live with my grandparents. She was the first person to reach out to me that day in the cafeteria—just a freshman, nervous to approach an upperclassman—and offered me some of her lunch.
She didn’t know whyI didn’t bring money to buy lunch. She didn’t know that I could afford it easily, but I’d been attending a private school in Manhattan and didn’t need to pay for meals there. I had no idea I was supposed to actually bring cash, or load money onto an account. I thought it was all taken care of, and I was embarrassed and angry when I realized my mistake.
All Ari cared about was being kind. And she’s been my friend ever since. A friend I wasn’t willing to risk by hitting on her in high school, not that she’d ever given any indication that she was interested in me.
She hasn’t in the years since, either. Which is better for both of us—she deserves a real relationship and I don’t do them.
So I shouldn’t be thinking about hugging her.
Or the way she felt so rightin my arms.
But maybe I should check on Ari again. She might be in pain, or maybe there’s a complication the doctor missed. I should make sure she’s okay.
I finish rinsing off and wrap a towel around my waist, walking over to the mirror to finger comb my hair and give my teeth a quick cleaning. Back in my bedroom, I throw on an old Cornell T-shirt and some athletic shorts and head for the door, impatience and anxiety quickening my speed.
When I get to Ari’s room, I hesitate at the door. It’s been half an hour since I left her; she’s probably asleep, and I don’t want to disturb her. Or scare her—in a dark room, a sudden noise, after everything that happened tonight—
But if she’snotokay—
The door opens quietly, and I poke my head in, expecting to see a lump under the covers. But Ari’s sitting up, hunched over her knees, the light on the nightstand casting her face in shadow.
Her head pops up as the door opens, her expression of fear quickly shifting to relief.
But as I step into the room and closer to her, I can’t miss the rigid set of her jaw, or the tiny lines etched across her forehead. “Are you okay?”
She gives me a quick nod, but her lips are trembling. Softly, she answers, “I’m fine, Cash. You can go back to sleep.”
She’s notfine. Approaching the bed, I pitch my voice low and soothing, hoping to coax the truth out of her. “Ari, you don’t needto be fine. If something’s wrong, if you’re hurting, tell me. Maybe I can help.”
When she’s quiet, staring down at her knees for several seconds, I try again. “Why won’t you tell me?”
Ari looks up at me, her eyes dark and shadowed. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “I guess I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything.”
I plop onto the edge of the mattress, facing her. “Ari.” My voice roughens and I’m a little pissed that she would even say that, but given the night she’s had, I’ll let it slide. “You’re my oldest friend. I don’t feel obligatedto do anything. I wantto help. Will you let me?”
She sighs. “I’m sore all over. I thought the medicine they gave me was helping, but every time I move something hurts. And… the dark is freaking me out. So I tried sleeping with the light on, but every sound makes me think he’s coming for me, even though I know he can’t, and I…”
Her voice drops again, so low I can barely hear it. “I’m scared. I’ve never minded being alone, but I’m terrified now.”
Oh. A heavy boot slams into my chest, driving the air from my lungs.
I’m hit with this crazy urge to gather Ari into my arms, to hold her and whisper reassurances and promises to protect her until she’s not scared anymore.
“It’ll be okay,” Ari starts, dropping her gaze from mine. “I’m sure it’ll get better. I’ll just lay here and eventually I’ll fall asleep.”
“No.” It comes out harsher than I intended, and I soften my voice. “No. It’s not okay. If you’re scared in here, if you’re hurting…”
I feel so helpless. I can’t fix her injuries. I can’t take away the thing that’s scaring her.
Fuck. I’m thirty-four years old. I run a damn company; I should be able to come up with somethingto help her.
And then it comes to me. “Do you want to watch a movie? You can pick any movie you want. I won’t even make snarky comments about it.”
After a pause, Ari’s eyes lighten from olive to a minty green. “Anymovie? Even—” her lips tug up a little. “A rom-com?”
I make a terrible face at her, like I’ve just smelled something awful. Then I smile and say, “Yes. Even that.”
