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I’m expecting Cash to laugh along with me, but he flinches instead. And instead of responding, he frowns at the road, his fingers white-knuckling on the steering wheel.
After a few minutes of silence, I ask quietly, “What’s wrong?”
Jaw clenching, Cash hesitates before answering. “I just… I hate it. Everything you had to go through… and…”
He drifts off, staring intently at the empty road in front of us.
“And what?” I put my hand on his leg, his thigh muscles rigid with tension. “Tell me.”
The little muscle in his jaw twitches. He sighs heavily. “I hate that I brought some of it toyou. I was supposed to be protecting you, but instead, my own brother…” Glancing over at me, his eyes fill with pain. “You were hurt. Threatened. Almost killed. And it was my fault.”
“No.” It’s so forceful Cash jerks in his seat. “Pull over. Now.”
“Ari—”
“No.” I’m adamant, using my best teacher voice. “Pull over now.”
We’re on a quiet street so it’s easy for him to find a place to stop, and he puts the car in park, turning to me. “Ari?”
It’s nearly the first day of winter, so the sun is setting well before five, and Cash’s face is cast in shadows in the dim of the car. But I can still see the sorrow pulling down at his features, the guilt darkening his eyes.
But he shouldn’t be. And in all the times I blamed myself, Cash never gave up on me.
I firm my voice. “Cash Michael Chatham.” His eyes widen at the use of his full name. “Listen to me. None of what happened was your fault. None of it.”
“If I hadn’t fired him…”
“No.” Taking his chin, I hold his gaze steady. “He would have done it no matter what you did. And there was no way to know. What he did was crazy.”
“When I said it was my fault, you told me it wasn’t.Every time. The date. The pond. When I got in the car with Brett. You swore it wasn’t my fault, that it was the other person’s actions that were responsible. Are you saying you made that up? That it actuallywasmy fault?”
His face jolts in reaction. “No, Ari. Of coursenot.”
“It goes both ways, Cash.” My tone gentles as I look into the eyes of the man I love more than anything. “It wasn’t my fault. And it wasn’t yours, either. We need to let go of this guilt, both of us. Okay?”
Cash stares at me, his jaw clenching, swallowing hard. “Okay. You’re right. It has to go both ways.”
Trailing my fingers along his jaw, I say, “And I think we should both get some counseling. I know I could use some help dealing with everything. Maybe we can go together sometimes.”
“Alright, hun.” He leans forward, kissing me softly, his lips teasing mine before pulling away. “It’s a good idea.”
“Okay.” I sit back in my seat, another band of tension releasing. “Can we go home now?”
Shifting back into gear, Cash pulls back onto the road. “Absolutely.”
The rest of our short drive home is much more relaxed. And each mile closer, my stress drains away a little more. Envisioning the rest of the evening, I tell Cash, “First, a nice hot shower. Then pizza. After that, a movie and some adult eggnog. And then maybe we can create our own sexy scene by the Christmas tree.”
“That sounds perfect. But”—he turns to me, a smile pulling at his lips—”first, a surprise.”
“What kind of surprise?”
We stop at the entrance to Cash’s driveway, and he touches the biometric access pad, triggering the gate to open. Once we start moving again, his smile turns to a grin. “You’ll see very soon.”
I can’t help smiling. “You and your surprises.” But he hasn’t gone wrong yet. “You don’t have to do special stuff for me, Cash.”
“But I want to, Ari. You’re the most important person in the world to me. Why wouldn’t I want to do everything I can to make you happy?”
Oh. I actually clutch my heart—my love for Cash is so intense I’m almost breathless from it.
