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Before I can answer, our enthusiastic waiter is back with our food and refills.
I dig into a taco hungrily. As I chew, I feel Harvey’s eyes on me. He’s chewing on a mozzarella stick.
He shrugs, “It’s ok. You can talk with your mouth full. I don’t care.”
I hold back a snort, so food doesn’t go up my nose.
After I finish a taco, I lean back and say, “Well, I haven’t really told anyone about it, but since we aren’t going to know each other for long, I might as well tell you.”
Looking genuinely interested now, he leans forward, his eyes still on mine and says, “I’d be honored.”
I roll my eyes and he raises his hands as he laughs.
“No, seriously. I really want to hear what you are going to say.”
I make him wait as I finish my other taco.
Then I say, “I’ve been able to do anything I set my mind to before. Everything I did was to get to the point where I graduated with an acting degree and became a successful actress. Everything from getting good grades to excelling in drama classes and even taking theater classes outside of school growing up. I had tunnel vision my whole life.”
He chuckles and I pause.
“What is it?” I ask.
He shoves a slider in his mouth while he thinks.
I grin and say pointedly, “It’s okay. You can talk with your mouth full.”
He swallows then chuckles again. “When you were talking, I was just thinking that I understood. It’s the same with me and being a professional ice hockey player.”
I nod. “Well, I was an excited eager beaver when I graduated with honors. I even have an award for outstanding acting. I was ready to take on the world and finally become what I always wanted.”
Harvey grabs another slider, all while keeping his eyes on me.
I freeze. I haven’t talked to anyone about this. I am too ashamed.
As if he can read my mind, Harvey makes a goofy face and says, “Like you said, we won’t be in each other’s lives long. Your secret is safe with me. I promise.”
With that, I pour everything out as if a dam just broke. As I speak, I feel a sense of relief and much lighter.
I tell him how every time I had gone to audition for an acting role after graduation, something happened that had never happened to me before.
I had frozen and forgotten all my well-rehearsed lines. It wasn’t just a random case of stage fright because it happened every time. My anxiety had gotten so bad that I began having panic attacks too.
When it happened the last time, I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t take it anymore and had to come home for a while for a reset.
His eyes wide and his food untouched, Harvey’s hands cover mine and he says, “Oh my God. That is terrifying. I’m so sorry that has been happening to you. Have you asked for any help?”
I just shake my head. “I’ve never told anyone else.”
He leans forward, his hands still covering mine. “You don’t have to do everything on your own, Elsa. You can get help with this. Then be back to winning those acting awards, okay?”
I smile, my eyes tearing up.
It was nice opening up to him. I didn’t want to give up on my dream, but I don’t know what else to do to get out of this slump I’m in. Maybe it would help to talk to a professional therapist about this.
I continue, “And don’t worry about me being able to do this for you. Improv is the one thing this doesn’t apply to. I got a few improv gigs, but those don’t pay as well. Acting, which requires scripted lines, is my dream, and auditioning for those is what brought all this on.”
He waves a hand as if to wipe my words away. “Nah, I’m not worried at all.”
