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“Tell me about it. My family isn’t talking to me. My mother won’t answer my calls. Our friends are all taking her side, and I understand why. I should have ended it a long time ago.”
“Why would you even be with her when you didn’twantto be with her?”
“I loved her. But not enough to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“And you realized this when we kissed?”
“I had known before. The kiss confirmed it.”
“And I’m not supposed to feel like this is my fault?”
“You didn’t know she existed, and I never set out to hook up with you. You and I just got along, and it went too far.”
I lean my head back against the wall and sigh as I roll my face toward his. “I hate this.”
“Me too.” He leans back as well and mimics my body language. “My life is pretty fucked up, huh?”
I laugh lightly. “Everyone’s life is chaotic. It’s pretending that yoursisn’tis the messed up part. Let’s not forget that I’m a woman who has now twice been arrested for breaking and entering into my ex and his new lover’s places.”
He laughs, and it makes the nerves in my body relax.
The door is open, and I could easily leave, yet … I don’t want to right away. Being here with Will, talking to him and hearing his story, makes me want to stay here a bit longer. We sit in silence for a few minutes until I’m reminded of something he said earlier.
“I’m sorry you lost your baby.”
“Thanks.” He rolls his head to face mine.
“Your story was laced with regret, but being a father wasn’t one.”
“No. I really wanted to be a dad.”
“You will. Someday. And I’m sorry your parents aren’t talking to you.”
“My mother is the most strong-willed woman I know. Holds a grudge like no other. She’s also my favorite person in the world.”
“Moms are amazing,” I sigh, recalling my own. “Don’t let too much time pass before breaking down her door and making things right. You never know how much time you have until it’s over.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
With a deep breath, I sit up and rub my thighs. “I think you’re disillusioned about one thing. What you had with Allison sounds like a marriage. Not every relationship keeps that spark forever.”
“Maybe I’m more of a romantic than I thought because when I plan on spending the rest of my life with someone, I want it to be with someone I’m excited to spend forever with. Even if forever ends up being a dud, I can’t begin a lifetime, already dreading it.”
I nod with a frown. My hands are inside the pocket of his sweatshirt. I look down at them moving through the fabric. “I’m sad for Allison, yet I understand. In my line of work, we have a lot of couples come through who are more excited to plan the party than their lifetime of commitment. We can pretty much call the divorces as we’re planning the nuptials. Man, that’s a horrible thing to admit.”
“It’s honest. I get it. In my line of work, I get called on a lot of domestic disturbances. Some people should never be together.”
“Those are the extreme.”
“More common than you’d think. You’d never believe the seemingly happy couples whose lives are complete turmoil inside the walls of their perfect homes. I don’t want a life that appears perfect while everyone’s miserable on the inside. I was willing to settle for a life that was headed in that direction. I know it’s a gamble, but if I ever get married, it’s going to be because I can’t wait to run down that altar. Not scared to walk it.”
“Maybe your near-death experience put some perspective in your life.”
He laughs lightly. His eyes shimmer as he looks at me and then down at the gray floor. “Yeah. That’s what it was,” he says, yet I’m not convinced he believes his words. With a heavy sigh, he looks back up at me. “You’re the first person to acknowledge the fact that I lost a child.”
“Fathers are often forgotten when these things happen.”
“It’s traumatic for the mother. There’s no comparison.”
