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“He seems like a great guy. Maybe he’s religious?” Jillian suggests, to which Tara shakes her head from the desk chair she’s currently draped in, her long tendrils swaying as she rocks back and forth.
“It’s been three months. He’s a really great guy, but I wonder if I actually like him or if I like the idea of him.”
Jillian hands me a final votive to place on the shelf. “You’re a wise woman to not settle. Trust me, it’s better to do things on your own terms.”
Tara sits up. “The difference between the three of us is, I don’t know if kids are in my future. It’s never been something I’ve desired. Jillian, you’re still young as far as biological clocks go. Why didn’t you want to wait until meeting a man before having a baby?”
Jillian lifts a shoulder as she grabs a box from the other side of the room. “I don’t want a man who is going to be my provider and protector. I can do that on my own. I have this idea in my head on what a man should be, and I refuse to settle for anything less. Maybe we’re more alike than you think.”
Tara’s bangle bracelets jingle as she points a hand. “No. I give men a chance. You are a wall.”
Jillian shifts her hip. “I was raised by parents who were in a marriage of convenience and made a vow to myself that I’d never go that route. But kids? That’s always been a given, and I didn’t want to wait a single day longer to start my life as a mom. Ainsley brings me more love than I could have ever imagined.”
Tara holds a pointed finger in the air as she contemplates Jillian’s words. “Someday, Ainsley will leave you for college and start her own life, and you’ll be left alone.”
I take a paper from by clipboard, wad it up, and toss it at Tara’s head. “Way to be a Debbie Downer.”
She picks it up off her lap and tosses it back at me. “I’m just being honest.”
“You’re kinda right,” I agree, logging in the number of votives on my chart. “With kids, you give everything and pray you’re doing a decent enough job that they’ll grow up with a limited number of things to bitch about you to their shrink. Unless you’re me and you make a ton of mistakes before they even hit their teens.”
“Stop that. Your kids are awesome. Tyler screwed up, and you’re doing everything to give them normalcy,” Jillian states firmly as she lifts vases from the next box. “You could have raked him through the mud in court. You used a mediation attorney instead of spending thousands of dollars on multiple high-priced divorce lawyers.”
“Maybe we can offer un-wedding design services. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll tell them how to get a divorce without losing their life savings.”
“And I’ll help them get knocked up without a partner!”
Tara’s knee-high-boot-clad legs hit the ground with a thump. “You two are the worst wedding designer and event planning team ever!” she yelps as Jillian and I high-five each other like our ridiculous business plan is real. It’s not, obviously, but sometimes, you need humor to cover up the pain.
Tara’s right. For women who put their hearts and souls into creating amazing weddings, we certainly have an interesting outlook on relationships.
I place my clipboard down and walk over to Tara’s chair, spinning it to face me, and grab her attention. “All kidding aside, you do what you know is the best for you. Don’t ever settle, but don’t chase a fantasy either. If Tyler hadn’t left and I hadn’t gone through the mess of my two-year-long divorce, here’s the advice I would have given you.”
I pause a moment and think about the advice because I wasn’t truly planning on giving any … so here it goes.
“Look for a man who is your partner. Someone you’d be honored to have by your side, even on the days he’s driving you absolutely insane. Just make sure he’s a good man because romances fade in and out. On the days where it dims, you need to be able to tolerate him just enough to make it to when it’s glowing again. Because it will glow, and on those days, you’ll be so happy you pushed through the dark because in his light is the most radiant place to be.”
“Romances aren’t supposed to dim,” Jillian says from the corner.
I stand and walk back to my place by the shelf.
“I think they do as we grow up. Even us, three women in their thirties, are growing up. I don’t know about you, but I still feel like a confused teenager at times, and I’m raising two of them. No matter how old we are, we grow and change. Jobs, interests, friends, everything around us evolves, as do we, and you have to hope your partner evolves when you do. The romance dims as you learn how to reconnect with the evolved version of your partner. In that moment, it ignites.”
Tara’s brows are curved in a deep V as she looks at me like it’s the first time she’s heard me speak in years. “You know, you say a lot of stupid shit, but that was by far one of the smartest things I’ve ever heard you say.”
“Yeah, I’m even a little impressed myself.” I rub my chest and make sure I’m not having a heart attack or something.
Jillian’s mouth drops. “I’m a love skeptic, and I think you even hit me in the feels with that one.”
I grin at her. “I know we don’t talk about it a lot, but whoever that guy was years ago who made you believe true love wasn’t real was a fool. And you’re a greater fool for believing it.”
“Yeah, Jillian,” Tara chimes in. “There’s nothing to lose by giving it a shot. Like you said, you already have your daughter. That’s all the love you need.”
She nods, seemingly unsure. “Maybe. I’m still a work in progress, I suppose. And for the record, he didn’t make me believe true love wasn’t real. In fact, with him, it was so tangible that I was almost afraid of it.” She shakes her red hair and holds a hand up, as if all this talk is silly. “Okay, this room is getting very emotional.”
Tara scoffs. “I like the effect Officer Bronson is having on Melissa. She’s all swoony these days.”
Jillian’s lips smash as she walks over to a third box. “I hate to say it, but Melissa does have a certain glow about her.”
