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I nod. “I would. Knowledge is power. I want to know everything I can.” With my head in my hand, I feel the tension build at my neck. “If I never ran into Luke that night of the fire, I’d never have known. Ainsley would have gone her whole life with zero knowledge of this disease.”
“You’d be more carefree,” Tara suggests.
“Ainsley could have had a family and started a life, only to be completely unprepared. Just like Luke’s mother. None of them were prepared,” I say.
Melissa sits back in her chair and warms her hands in the fire. “You know, it really is amazing how you two ran into each other that night of the hotel fire. It was kismet. You being outside and desperate. Him being on duty. If one thing had gone differently that day, you never would have run into him. Life is amazing that way. We don’t realize the small choices we make every day impact the big things that transpire in our lives.”
“I suppose I could say the same thing about the weekend I met him. If I hadn’t been in that restaurant, needing an old-fashioned, then I wouldn’t have met him.”
“How did you end up in his bed that night in Aruba?” Tara asks with unbridled interest.
My teeth skim my bottom lip. I haven’t spoken out loud about Luke, and now, it’s all I want to do. “It was impossible not to. The night after he took me on the catamaran ride, he crashed the wedding I was working. Dressed in linen pants and a peach button-down, he was all suntanned golden, and those eyes of his sparkled. He was so beautiful, but it was his charm. I’d never met anyone like him. He kept his distance, staying by the bar area. Every once in a while, he’d pull me to the side, and he’d kiss my neck.” I touch the soft spot of skin just below my ear. “The shivers he sent with that simple touch were nothing compared to the way his smile made me feel. Special. Gorgeous. Empowered. When the cake was served and the night was winding down, he took me outside to the veranda of the restaurant. We danced in the dark, under the palm trees and the brightly lit moon. We kissed and laughed and sang. When he walked me back to my room that night, I asked him to stay. It was the first time I had ever been so brazen with a man. But Luke, he was … mine. I wanted him. I needed him. Not just for the night. I wanted to keep him. I didn’t know how, but if there was a way, I was willing to try.”
“And he left the next morning,” Melissa finishes the story.
I rest my ear on my shoulder and place my wineglass on the table. I don’t need wine to make my heart feel better.
“It was all so confusing. When I woke up, he wasn’t there. I had a text message from him, saying that he had to catch an emergency flight home. He left a voicemail too. In that moment, I believed there was a future for us. Later that night, he didn’t answer my calls, nor did he on the third day. On the fourth, he blocked me.”
“This is some heavy stuff, Jillian. Melissa and I have been bitching about our lives since we met you, and here you’ve been, carrying this crazy story. Why haven’t you told us?” Tara asks.
Melissa agrees, “We’re here for you. I don’t know if you’ve ever had anyone in your corner before, but we’re here for you.”
Tara brushes her curls from her face. “I’m sorry for the trouble I caused, inviting Eric to the engagement party for you and bringing Luke. I had a feeling something might be going on with Luke with the way he looked at you that night on Main Street. I can be a bit of a shit stirrer, but I mean well. I didn’t know it would cause such a problem.”
I laugh lightly at her description of herself. “Tara, you might not mean to cause problems, but sometimes, those problems lead to greater solutions. Don’t change, okay? And you guys … you’re absolutely correct. I’ve never had anyone in my life I felt close enough to share my thoughts with. I’ve had friends but always traveled this road where my personal life is my own. At least, that’s what my mother always said.‘Don’t air your dirty laundry where you don’t want it seen and be careful who you confide in today because, tomorrow, they could be the one you need to complain about.’ I’ve always wanted that though. A friend who I could tell my deepest, darkest, most wicked thoughts to and not be judged.”
Melissa takes my hand and then Tara’s. “Well, it’s a good thing you have two then. From now on, all the evil, horrible thoughts can be said around this fire.”
Tara uncrosses her legs and takes my hand. “You know I’m in. No judgments.”
I grin. “Well, I might judge at little, but I won’t stop loving you both, no matter what is said.”
We all laugh and squeeze one another’s hands in solidarity.
“Can we drop hands now though?” I suggest. “This is starting to feel like some weirdséance, witchcraft voodoothing.”
Melissa gives Tara the side-eye. “Perhaps we shouldn’t tell Jillian about the voodoo doll we made of Maisie last year and set on fire.”
My eyes widen in horror. There’s a short silence, and then we all burst into a fit of laughter.
Yes, this is what I needed.
Friends.
They weren’t in my life when I had Ainsley, but came just at the right time. Perhaps if I had confided in them long ago, I wouldn’t have felt so alone. Being alone can be unhealthy for a girl like me. You can convince yourself you need it in order to survive. Turns out, I don’t quite like being a pillar of a woman. I enjoy having a friend to push me up when I fall down.
As I rub my eyes with the happy, laughter-induced moisture that is around my eyes, I look into the living room window at Hunter and Ainsley passed out on the couch, popcorn kernels on their bellies.
“They look so cute, sleeping with their heads together like that,” Melissa coos.
“Hopefully, she doesn’t wake up on the car ride home,” I hope.
“Leave her here. I’ll put her on the trundle in Hunter’s room.”
“You had her last night. I can’t leave her again.”
“And you had a terrible night’s sleep on my couch. Go home, recharge, and I’ll get her to school in the morning on my way to work. Whatever she doesn’t have here I can get from your house. I have a spare key.”
