AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I never said you were.”
“I know people talk. I saw what happened at the hospital. I have a reputation, Rob. Even if I want kids, who wants their mom to be the woman who’s slept with half of Connecticut in order to meet someone willing to settle?” I hold my hand up and further explain, “I’m being sarcastic. I haven’t slept with half of the state. Believe it or not, my number is far smaller than you’d think.”
He crosses his arms and tilts his head at me. “Are you concerned with my number?”
“Not at all.”
“Then, I’m not concerned with yours. Nor do I give a shit about what anyone thinks of you. All that matters is what I think.”
I stop my movements and bite my lip, half wanting him to say what he thinks and half not wanting him to. “What is that?”
“That you’d make a great mother.”
Wells of emotion build up in my eyes as my stomach falls to the pits of despair and this angsty madness rushes through my veins. I shake my head, vibrating as his words set in. I pick up my whisk and start to bake, but there are no eggs, and he’s still blocking the refrigerator.
Backing away, I hit the countertop, hard, and so I rub my back and point the whisk at him like a weapon.
“Fuck you,” I bite because there really are no other words to say to that.
He doesn’t seem offended by my outburst. So, I say it again.
“Fuck you, Rob. You don’t get to say things like that. Not when I’ve made peace with the trajectory of my life. Not when we just started this amazing relationship. Not when you already have your children and don’t want any more.”
Rob nods his head as he continues to watch me as one would a rabid animal that’s been trapped in its cage. Except I’m not in a cage. I’m free, and it feels like he’s trying to put me back in one.
“I want to make sure you’re not giving up on something you’ll regret later on.”
“That’s unfair!” I say loudly, and Olivia starts to stir.
I wait a minute for her to resettle and confirm she’s fast asleep before I yell at him in the loudest whisper I can muster, “That’s unfair. It took me forever to find you, and now, you’re gonna put thoughts of something in my head that weren’t there and make me have to choose. I don’t even know if I can have kids, and now, I’m wondering what it would be like to hold my own in my arms and watch her grow up to be this sassy badass. But no. No. This is not how it’s supposed to be. I don’t want to have a child of my own, and I don’t want to have one if it’s going to be with anyone but you!”
Fuck. Did I really just say that?
I did.
This is why I bake. If I don’t, I let the crazy things in my mind run out of my mouth, and I regret them. Not because they’re untrue. I stand by my feelings and my words. It’s just never been anyone’s business to analyze them, criticize them, or hold them against me.
Maybe it’s the way I’m trying to do anything but look at him, yet when I do, I don’t see a man frightened by what I just admitted. In fact, he looks rather calm.
“You’re freaking me out right now,” I tell him. “You’re supposed to be angry and annoyed.” I wave my hands, as if urging the grumpiness to pour out of him. “Why aren’t you being mean?”
He stands there for a while. His head falls as he looks at the floor, his brows curving and his mouth pursing. With a push, he leaves the refrigerator and walks around the kitchen island and over to the living room, where Olivia is sleeping. He stares at her for a while, the tips of his mouth tilting up as he takes in his new niece. A low rumble leaves his chest as he sighs.
“I’m not mad because I always knew if I met a woman and actually liked her enough to keep her around, odds were pretty high she’d want to have a child together.” He looks up at me and shrugs. “Then, I met you, and I remember you saying you didn’t need children of your own. I pushed it aside, yet I see you with Molly, Jesse, Ainsley, Hunter, Izzy, and Olivia, and you are so good with them. You don’t need children, Tara, but you want one. I don’t. If it were up to me, I’d close the door on that possibility.”
He moves away from Olivia and heads back to me, stopping just a foot in front of me, closing the space between us. My heart is racing and my head is a little dizzy. I swallow hard as I stare at him, my beautiful man who I have a fierce feeling is going to try to end things with me before we even get started because he knows me better than he should.
Rob licks his lower lip and curves his brow. “I just want to know if you’ll wake up in ten years, look over at me, and regret me not giving you a baby.”
“I won’t,” I say and then close my eyes to add, “I won’t regret you. I could never.”
“And I could never let you regret yourself.”
I blink up at him, confused.
“I don’t want more kids, but I’ll be damned if I don’t give you everything you want in this life. I’m not saying it’s gonna be tomorrow, but if fate decides you and I are fit for the long haul, then I wouldn’t say no if you wanted to try for a baby.”
My breath comes out as a blast of relief. I didn’t even realize I was so worried until this enormous weight leaves my chest and I start to cry. Yes, big, stupid tears fall down my cheeks.
