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I place my hand on my forehead like I’m about to faint. “The whole package. Maybe I need to expand my dating search to the countryside. It’s an untapped resource.”
“Dad, please make her stop talking,” Jesse pleads, his eyes glued on me.
Rob playfully slaps him on the chest. “Get in the car.”
“Good-bye, guys. Have a good day at work!” I walk them out and wave them off from the steps, making it a habit.
The discomfort on their faces as I send them off with absolute fanfare only spurs me on.
As soon as they’re gone, I take Molly’s hand. “Let’s grab some muffins and eat them on our walk. It’s too nice of a day to stay inside.”
* * *
Rob’s house sits on a hundred fifty acres of land on the Connecticut border, neighboring Massachusetts. Molly and I walk farther into the fields, the mountains acting as a gorgeous backdrop to the cornfields around us. There’s a tractor in the distance, so I hold my hand up to my face to see what is happening on the other side of the field.
“Dad rents the land out to a farmer because he can’t do it himself. It’s really cool though because we get lots of corn to eat.” Molly picks a flower on our walk. We have a nice bouquet of various wildflowers coming along.
We stroll along a small stream weaving through the property. I hold her sneakers and the flowers in my hand as Molly dips her toes in the water when she gets too warm. She splashes and giggles as she runs through the stream. We stop to catch a frog and then let it go once our mission is complete.
“I can see why you love being here. It’s beautiful.”
“It’s gonna be even better. Dad said we can get farm animals someday. Hopefully, when the shopping mall is done, he’ll be able to take some time off and farm with us.”
“Farming is a big job.”
“I know. Dad says he can’t do it alone since he works so much, but maybe he’ll change his mind, and we can take over the crops too.”
“What’s the point in having all of this if you can’t use it as intended?”
“That’s what I said. First thing we’re getting is a horse. There’s a stable we can keep it in.”
“Who is going to care for the horse when you are back home during the school year?”
Her dark ponytail sways as she jumps from one rock to another. “I plan on living here.”
I play with the flower stems as we stroll. “I know you love it on the ranch, but why don’t you want to be with your mom? Aren’t your friends in Castleton? You could be at camp, playing games and hanging out with friends. Plus, most kids like being with their mom.”
She stops in her tracks and speaks with downturned eyes. “Do you want me to go back to Castleton for the summer? You don’t wanna hang out with me, do you?”
“Are you kidding? I adore hanging with you. Just trying to understand why a ten-year-old wants to walk along a stream and catch frogs instead of playing with other kids. Your aunt Melissa told me you’re an awesome softball player.”
“And an awesome basketball player. I guess I just don’t want to be with my friends this summer. They’re really fun, but it’s exhausting—trying to be cool, worrying about what I’m going to wear, packing the snacks Nicole wants, or sitting around and talking about boys and gossiping about the girls and pretending to care. When you and I did my makeover, that was cool, and I liked going to that party and being seen. But that’s not what I want all the time. I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not.”
I waver, comprehending her understanding of the world. Molly is only ten yet she’s far wiser than her years. Wiser than mine. “Sometimes, it’s easier to pretend than let people know how you feel on the inside. People can judge all too easily. It’s hard, being vulnerable.”
“What do you mean by vulnerable?”
“It means being exposed emotionally or physically. It’s when you let people know your true feelings in a way that they could hurt you deeply.”
“You don’t seem like that. I like that you act like yourself, no matter what Dad says about you. You’re not embarrassed by the things you do and say because you’re just being yourself. It’s really cool. I hope to be more like you someday.”
I smile at her flattery, but I level with her. “If that’s how your friends make you feel, like you can’t be yourself, then you’re right to want some distance. Don’t ever let anyone tell you to be someone you’re not, but make no mistake—I hide a lot of my emotions. I might not care what people think about me, but that doesn’t mean I show them all my sides. I’m human, you know. There are some things that hurt me. I just don’t let them overtake my life. My grandmother taught me this trick when I was a kid. Whenever I feel like I’m feeling less than my worth, I push my shoulders back, raise my chin, and walk into a room like I own it. If people see you as a success, they will treat you like one. If you act like a success, you will become one.”
“I like that. I might try it.”
“Not feeling comfortable in your skin around your friends is no reason to not stay with your mom. I bet she misses you.”
“Doubt it. She and Mike are in Niagara Falls right now.”
