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Cold terror filled me at the thought someone might be stalking me even now, but confusion overrode it long enough for me to ask, “What does knotted mean?”
His eyes flashed. “That’s enough for today. Return to your class and apologize to Instructor Dirum. Do not make me interfere again.”
* * *
“You are lucky you’re alive!”
The vault had closed, sealing female recruits into their dorms. Having followed me to my tiny private room, Maeve shut the door, clearly anxious.
My actions earlier that day were inexcusable.
Instructor Dirum had been magnanimous in accepting my apology. One sharp slap to the face was all I received in response. But she had been harder on the next class, hard enough to challenge my flagging self-control.
My eyes had to stay on the prize.
To get out of the academy and find a male to ruin me.
Because I understood now that it was the only way to be free.
“Maeve, I asked him about sex. The answers were vague, but I know now. I have to be ruined. Otherwise… General Cyderial intends to assign me as a full-time instructor for the academy, regardless of my scores when I graduate. He is never going to let me out of this hell.”
My sister tucked her head and rubbed at her eyes, working through her thoughts, only to mutter, “You are a wonderful teacher though. The way you have explained swordsmanship to me the last few nights? I have an understanding of complex movements that I never had before.”
She wasn’t trying to flatter. I knew her well enough to know Maeve would never waste her time on platitudes. This was her honest opinion.
Voice shaking, I fought not to fall apart. “I can’t stay here! Help me get to the fog.”
With compassion, she nodded. “I will.”
Grabbing at her hands, I held them in mine, whispering, “There is a male at the academy who wants me for his mate. General Cyderial would not tell me who it is. But he is here, and he is watching me.”
Eyes wide, she squeezed my fingers. “Is that why he has been pressuring you to submit tothe list? To prevent a recruit from trying to claim you?”
There was not a single boy in the entirety of the academy who I would consider interesting enough to mate. Not one. “I think so.”
Just the two of us in my meager cell, I filled her in on the conversation that had taken place between myself and the old man, unable to answer her questions, because General Cyderial had given me so little to work with.
She too agreed that ruin seemed the only loophole, considering the limited information we had.
Blonde curls loose so she might toy with them while we spoke, Maeve helped me outline a plan, all the while combing her mane into fluff.
The following day, we would break free of our prison and follow the path the instructors used to access the city. We would find a place where hybrid males congregated, approach in stealth, and get this over with.
Agnes and Tamsyn were not to be included, consulted, or considered. Lower numbers would keep the operation tight, and should we be caught, there was no point in all three of us being put to death. If they knew nothing, they had nothing to fear.
Seated at the edge of my cot, her ankles crossed primly, she gave me her vow. One that would lead to more than my ruin. “Lorieyn, tomorrow night, we will find you a male. You will have the fog, and I will graduate top of class.”
10
Preparing my body so I might tempt a stranger into sex was more confounding than I’d anticipated. It wasn’t often I looked at myself in the mirror in consideration of whether I was or was not attractive to males.
Secretly in the past, late at night, I had styled my hair to look like the pictures in the magazines. I had played with my lipstick and tried on my forbidden dress. But these things had been done only for my pleasure. To pleaseme, not a man.
To feel female and pretty. To feel normal.
Mating had been far from my thoughts. And I had never needed to consider how to attract a male. My song assured a man would want me completely—my personality and appearance were unimportant.
Those boys who kissed me in the dark all those years ago probably didn’t even know my name. I had hardly seen them; they could hardly see me. It was about breaking rules with who was there, nothing personal.
