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I’m with Jay, and okay.
I know! I’m coming up to your room!
I slide up and look around at my surroundings and have no idea where I am. What does Marenah mean she’s coming up to my room? How does she know where I am? I grab my purse and pull out the sleeping pill packets. I took two, I usually take one, and I remember going to bed and Jay gathering my stuff and getting me out of the hotel. I just don’t remember what happened after that. I rub my throbbing head trying to remember.
I look up as the door bursts open, and she stands there, staring at me. “I’m okay, Marenah,” I say, and she jumps on the bed, grasping me in her arms.
“It’s okay,” I say, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her close. The only person that I have cared about except for our mother, the only one that I will sacrifice whatever it takes for.
She’s still nestled in my arms, and I look down at her as she looks up at me. “We’re dating best friends,” she says, smiling, and her sparkling blue eyes are dancing with happiness.
“Is that so?” I say, hugging her tight against me.
“I’m with Matt, and you are with Jay,” she says.
I let that sink in for a few minutes, and as much as I wish it were true, I can’t lie to my sister. “Baby, he and I spent some time together, and it was wonderful, but we’re not what you would call exclusive,” I say.
My sister sits up and looks me straight in the eyes. “Tell me you did not just tell me that he wants to screw you while he’s playing around,” Marenah says, her baby blue eyes heating up like fire.
“Calm down. It’s not like that. We’re just not really a couple,” I say, not wanting Marenah to think badly of Jay. He’s been honest and upfront with me, and that’s a hell of a lot more than I have had from anyone else in my life. “We had a good time, we were exclusive while we were together, but it’s no more than that,” I say.
Her crackling blue eyes penetrate mine for a few moments and hold my gaze. “You honestly don’t know, do you?” Marenah says, watching me intently.
“What are you talking about? I really don’t remember much about last night,” I admit.
“Jay is in love with you,” she says softly.
I let the words sink in and with every fiber of my being wish it was true, but I know that it is not. Jay is just a very honorable man that will protect anyone in danger. I will not be that terrible, clingy woman again. I breathe deeply because giving him up in my mind is one thing, but expressing it to other people is entirely different and sharing this anguish with my sister cements the hurt.
“He’s not in love with me, Marenah. We had a great time, and I will never forget him. He showed me such kindness, protectiveness, and romantic things that I can’t even share with you right now. It breaks my heart to see him go, but I can’t beg for someone’s love. I’ve done it for a lifetime,” I say, and while I hate how her head hangs in despair, I know that she, like me, understands how deeply our father has hurt us, both in different ways.
“Jay wouldn’t let you out of his lap the entire way home, carried you upstairs and put you to bed. He cares about you, Sasha. You can’t let your father continue to rule the way you think about men,” she says.
I narrow my eyes at her. “That man is your father, too,” I say.
She shakes her head. “He’s not to me. We feel different about him. While you’ve always tried to find a way to make him love you, I have hated him from day one, and watching him reject you makes me hate him more each and every time. I don’t want his approval. I want to find out all his dirty secrets and bury his ass with them,” Marenah says.
“Yes, and now that we’re together, you are going to tell me what that stunt in the bar was all about. You could have been killed. What were you thinking?” I admonish.
She suddenly looks fearful and shakes her head again. “Sshh. Voices down! I promise I’ll tell you, but not here. I don’t know where the cameras are and it’s not something I want Matt and his team to find out about right now.”
“When then? We’ve been putting it off for too long. God, Marenah, what happened?” I say. If she thinks some knight in shining armor can just waltz in and get her away from Bernatelli’s goons, she is sadly mistaken. They will come for her and when they find her— I shudder.
“Soon, when we’re alone and when I can, I’ll tell you the whole story,” Marenah says, hugging me tightly.
“Hmm, we’ll talk,” I say, honoring her request to speak about it later.
“Are you going to come downstairs and be sociable?” she says.
I roll my eyes, sliding my legs over the side of the bed. “If I must,” I say, gaining a tinkling laugh from my sister. “I need to shower, then we can go for breakfast and you can tell me about your man,” I say.
Her eyes sparkle with delight.
“There’s so much to blab about. I don’t even know how to describe it. Matt’s just, I don’t know, everything I could have ever imagined,” she says, looking up at me and then catching herself. “Go. We can talk about this later, after the guys are at work or something. Over wine,” Marenah says, and I laugh, nodding my agreement before heading into the shower.
I slip out of my clothes and underneath the shower, contemplating our conversation. I am delighted for my sister, and that happiness is only dimmed by the sadness over my own failed relationship, but I am determined that she is not to see it. Marenah has never been one to commit.
The thought of getting close to someone was always a hard limit for her, where I had a burning need to find someone who loved me, and of course, they never did. They liked my body and the passion we shared but wanted nothing more, but that’s not how my sister rolled. She rejected each and all the suitors clamoring at her door. I think our father’s rejection of us has left each of us with different wounds to heal. A tap on the door brings me out of my reverie.
