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I sigh and nod, giving in because she’ll keep at me until I tell her everything, anyway. Plus, I can’t stop thinking about Tall-Dark-and-Handsome, and if I don’t tell someone about him, I might burst. But I make her wait for it. “I did. Saturday was full of wedding things for Jules. Erik is out of town on one of his week-long camping trips, and with the wedding only a few months away, there are a lot of small details to get in order. Jules needed some help with vendor check-ins.” Over the past few months, Lara and I have talked all about our friends and families, so she knows Jules is my brother, Erik is my best friend, and they’re getting married.
“Mmm. I remember helping Miranda with those kinds of things when she married Eddie. Weddings have become so complicated!” She switches legs and begins making circles with her left ankle. “Aaaand?”
“Aaaand, then I took myself out for a night on the town.” The truth is, I’d been feeling a bit single and lonely after a day spent steeped in wedding plans and surrounded by reminders that I’m one of the last remaining un-paired people in our friend group. Jules’ best friend Quinn and his boyfriend Tadhg, had been with us to help with the planning. They’d been all cute and coupley, smiling at each other, finishing each other’s sentences and signing in shorthand like people who’ve been together a long time do. And there had been lots of texts between Jules and Erik, which had Jules smiling sappily from ear to ear. It made my heart full to see him so happy, but by the time the day’s errands and projects were done, I’d been feeling a tad sorry for myself. I donotmention that to Lara. No one likes a complainer.
When she finishes her last set of circles, I offer my hand to help her up. “Alright, heel stands please, dear.”
She walks around the wicker chair and rests her hands on the back, pulling her toes off the ground while balancing on her heels. “You had a pleasant evening?”
We both know what she’s really asking. Did I hook up with anyone? “Very pleasant. I felt like dancing, so I put on a cute outfit and my strappy heels, and I went to Club Cake and danced. It was wonderful.” Lara knows I’m gender-fluid. It came up gradually over the course of our time working together. I felt comfortable sharing after she’d regaled me with a few of her more wild escapades from the seventies and eighties. Even though a lot of her generation doesn’t get being trans and doesn’t want to, she’s never had a problem with it.
Her laugh is equal parts joyous and dirty. “Howwonderfulare we talking?”
I can’t help my grin. “Mind-blowingly wonderful. It was exactly what I needed.” I still feel Tall-Dark-and-Handsome’s hands on my hips, the way his kisses stole my breath, and how he felt pressed against my back with his cock buried deep inside me.
Lara’s dirty chuckle breaks through my reminiscing. “Earth to Stef. That good, huh? I’m envious!”
“Definitely that good.” There’s no point in denying it. I enjoy sex, and although random hookups aren’t usually my thing, once in a blue moon, the itch has to be scratched and the loneliness shoved back into its little box.
“And did you get his digits? Or give him yours?”
I bite my lips and force down my chuckle at her attempt to sound cool. “Nope. One and done. I don’t have time for anything more complicated. My work keeps me busy, and what time I have left is for family and friends.” And if I say it loud and often enough, maybe it’ll be true. But it doesn’t do any good to wallow in the negatives. That leads to frowning, wrinkles, and… just no. I give her a big smile and manifest positivity. “It’s all I need. That and a night out once in a while.”
She smiles sympathetically. “That’s what we tell ourselves, anyway.”
Lara gets it. I give her a pat on the shoulder. Most of my friend-group, including my younger brother, have found their partners, and at thirty-five, I still haven’t. There aren’t even any prospects on the horizon. My only consolation is that our friend Jocelin is still single, and he’s willing to venture out with me now and then.
“Well, good for you, Stef. But if you ever decide youdohave time, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. You’re caring and sweet and have such a big heart. You need someone to look after you once in a while. Someone to show you love and affection. If I were twenty years younger and a man, I’d snatch you up. You’re a good catch.”
I put a grin on my face and wink. “I am a good catch.” An amazing one, in fact. I’m a not-so-hidden gem, and someday I will find someone who sees that. “It’s finding another unattached good catch that’s the problem.” Sort of. The truth is, I’m a lot to handle. There aren’t a ton of men lining up to be in a relationship with someone fabulously gender-fluid. But I refuse to change for anyone. Unfortunately, that translates to a lot of alone time.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it. When I’m with a client, they have my full attention. I dig in my bag for a resistance band and hand it to Lara. “We’re going to try a new strength exercise today. Loop the band under your foot, and grab the ends with your hands.” She does, and I adjust her grip before continuing. “Now, moving only your ankle and keeping your toes pointed up, turn your foot inward, so the sole is facing your other leg.” My phone buzzes again, and I consider checking it in case it’s an emergency. “Hold it for two seconds, then let your foot relax into a neutral position.” I watch her try the movement a few times and nod when she gets it right. “Okay, do twenty of those, then switch to the other leg.”
When my phone buzzes for a third time, I sigh. Lara pauses mid-exercise. “Go ahead and get that, dear. It might be important.”
“I’m so sorry. It’ll just take a sec.” I pull my phone from my pocket and step into the yard, swiping quickly when I see it’s Jules, my heart in my throat. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
There’s loud sniffing on the other end of the phone, and when Jules speaks, his voice is shaky. “I tried. Stef, I swear I tried, but I can’t, and I need help. I’m sorry. I know you’re working, but Erik’s still out of town, and they need to talk to us.”
I tug at my short hair and turn to Lara, who is watching me, concern in her lovely blue eyes. “Jules, honey, wait a sec. Okay?”
“Okay.” Gods, he sounds so shaken. I put the phone on mute and hurry back to Lara. “I’m so, so sorry. It’s Jules, and there’s a problem.”
Her face clouds with concern as she waves me toward the house. “Go. Jules needs you, dear. I’ll keep working on my exercises from last week, and you call when you get the situation worked out. We’ll reschedule then. I hope everything’s okay.”
“Me too. Thank you so much for understanding.” I hug her and grab my bag from the chair, unmuting the phone as I walk around the side of the house, heading for my car. “Jules?” There’s a lot of shaky breathing, and I’m worried he might hyperventilate. “Sweetie, calm down. I’m on my way. Where are you?”
His voice is so quiet it’s difficult to hear over the background noise around him. “At the florist. There’s a problem. Something about availability and shipment issues. I tried to take care of it. Dammit, I should be able to take care of it! I just… I can’t, and we had an appointment today.”
“Jules, I’m proud of you for trying, hon. It’s just one of those days where it didn’t work.” Since his work environment has improved, and he’s more settled with Erik, he’s done better with the anxiety attacks, but they still happen, and they always will. That’s something we all accept. It’s part of who Jules is. “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come to you. We’ll figure this out in no time.”
“I’m outside the florist. And people are staring, and I’m a mess. All I had to do was just—” His breathing is fast, and it’s worrying. “—was just make a small decision. It should be easy.”
He sniffs loudly, and my heart aches for him. Today is one of those days he just can’t see how competent he really is. “It’s alright, Jules. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Thanks Stef. I’m sorry.”
I hear the relief in his voice, and, gods, I want to hug him. “You’re welcome, sweetie. And you never need to apologize.” I throw my bag onto the passenger seat and start my car. “I love you, Jules. Thank you for calling me and letting me help. I’m on my way.”
