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I take Stef’s hand and hold it between mine. “And what do Jules and Erik say about that?” Neither of them strikes me as the type to hold a grudge or blame someone unnecessarily. And they both obviously care deeply about Stef. But if they truly do feel that way, then we might be having words.
Stef gives a small shrug. “Erik said he had his own stuff to work on, and coming home any earlier might have made things worse with his family. Then he’d never have moved back. Jules said he had a lot of things to work through with his anxiety and wasn’t in any place to have a healthy relationship.”
“That makes a lot of sense, sweetheart.”
Stef pouts and shakes their head. “No, they’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“And do you?” I squeeze their hand, trying to be supportive.
They roll their eyes. “No. Obviously.”
“Do either of them tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth?” I’m taking a shot in the dark here. I’m not familiar enough with either of them to know this yet. But they don’t strike me as grudge holders.
“Yes, actually. They both don’t deal well with confrontation. Which is why being so bossy is a horrible thing to do to them.” The hurt in their eyes is killing me.
“Sweetheart, they might let you pick the board game, or what restaurant to go to, but from what Astrid’s said, you weren’t the reason Erik moved away for so long. And Jules has social anxiety. He told me at the pool party that he’s been working on it for years and is just now able to talk to strangers, like me, because of the support he gets from you and Erik.”
Stef looks up from their plate with such hope in their eyes that it’s killing me. “Really? He said that?”
I nod. “He did. Okay, some of it was through Erik, but he said it with so much love for the both of you, it kind of made me envious.”
“What?” Stef practically shouts it, then glances around sheepishly. “Why would you be envious?”
I cover their hand with mine. “Because he was sure down to his very bones that he loves you both, and you both love him. I have that with Tadhg, sure. I’d die for him.”
“Don’t say that.” Stef squeezes my hand and frowns.
“I’m not saying I’m going to, but I would. And he’d do the same. But Jules has Erik. And Tadhg has Quinn. They have so much trust and love.” And I have feelings for Stef that go beyond friendship or even romantic like. I’m falling in love with them. It’s new, and fragile, and I’ll probably end up getting my heart broken, but it’s there, and I’m not sorry.
I stop and consider my next words. Am I actually going to do this? It only takes one look into Stef’s eyes and yep, I am. “I want that, Stef. I want to know what it’s like to have someone who is completely my person. Someone who wants me as their person in return.” I look into their beautiful brown eyes and leap. “I want that with you.”
Stef stares at me. “With…” Their voice trails off and their eyes fill with tears. “Me? Really? But why?”
Their question makes no sense. “Why?”
They nod vigorously. “Yes! Why?”
“Because you’re smart and funny and sweet and spontaneous, and beautiful, and so fucking hot, Stef. Because I love spending time with you and showing you the things I love and finding out about the things you love.”
They shake their head, interrupting me, showing just how agitated they are. I’m complimenting them and not getting any sass. “No. I’m complicated and a hot mess. I’m the gayest gay person who ever gayed. I’m a handful. I know because I’ve been told that repeatedly my entire life. I’m flamboyant and wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m effusive. I live out loud. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to rein it in, tone it down, or back it off… Do you know how many times I’ve had someone ask me if I had to be so gay? Or if I had to be so in-your-face about it?” Their agitation winds down, and they’re more defeated than angry. “Heck, I’d be richer than you. It’s like people think it’s a choice. That I act like this with intention, when I’m just being me.” They slump in their seat. “I’m a lot, Blake, and that’s rarely someone’s cup of tea.”
“Well, it’s mine.” I bring their hand to my lips. “You’re not too much, Stef. I’ve never thought that about you. Not once. It’s like that quote, ‘If someone says you’re too much, maybethey’renot enough.’”
Stef looks into my eyes for a long few minutes, not saying a word. The silence is so out of character it’s unnerving. But I give them the time they need to process what I’ve said and understand that I mean every word. Stef slips out of their seat and comes around to stand next to me, and I turn to face them. “You honestly don’t mind?”
I could ask for clarification, but I’m pretty sure I know what they’re asking. “Sweetheart, I promise you, I not only don’t mind that you’re all that and a slice of bread, I love it. I love your confidence. I love your sass, your sweetness, your sharp wit. You have such exuberance, such joy in the things that you love.” I rest my hands on their hips. “But the most important thing, Stef, is you make me want to stop and breathe. I have something other than work to wake up for. I have things I want to do besides deal with shitty authors with attitudes and competitors trying to steal my talent and take over my company.”
As I talk, their expression relaxes, a smile tugging at the corner of their mouth and the sparkle returns to their eyes. “Blake McCarthy, that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“Well, I meant every word. You’re amazing, and I’m so happy I get to know you—be with you.” I stroke their cheek. “Would you be my person? I’d say boyfriend or girlfriend, but neither of those are correct all the time. Is there a better word? Partner?” Stef’s lips are on mine before I say anything else. They climb into my lap, peppering kisses all over my face. By the time they finish, we’re both grinning like fools, and I’m well and truly in deep. And I love it. “So, person?”
“Person is perfect. Or partner. Either. I like the idea of being each other’s person.” I look into their eyes. “You’re mine, Blake. Ishouldbe cautious. I’ve been burned too many times already. But I think you’re going to be different. You see me and accept me exactly as I am. I feel it in my soul.” Their eyes shimmer with unshed tears and their smile is slightly crooked, tugging hard at my heartstrings. “I’ve waited a long time for you. Please, don’t disappoint me.”
I hear the words they actually mean. ‘Don’thurtme.’ “I promise, I do see you. And I never want to hurt you, sweetheart. I haven’t been the best boyfriend in the past, mostly due to work, but I’m trying to change that. And I have you to help me.”
“I will. And we’re pretty perfect together. Just like today has been.”
I tighten my arms around them. “You’re not worried it’s all happening too fast?”
