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I knew them instantly, despite the… strange circumstances.
Jag’s jeans were around his ankles as he jumped to his feet. Why had he pulled down his pants? And what was that string instrument he held? It wasn’t like any harp I had seen. It was brown and long with a mushroom-like head.
Oh.
Oh!
The instrument was his cock. Somehow, his dick had grown two feet long and sprouted strings that he had been plucking to make that beautiful music.
In the video, Elliot sat on a chair with a long black clarinet in his hands, and its wide tip in his mouth.
Shit, that was a cock too! His dick had gotten very long and sprouted buttons. And were those holes for the air?
Moe’s back was to the audience, and his hands were on his bare ass. I nearly groaned. Don’t tell me that the drums were his butt cheeks.
I remembered something he had said earlier when I asked why he was in prison: for playing my ass-bongos in public.
He hadn’t been trolling me. Of course, he hadn’t. Moe couldn’t play anyone, except his own ass.
The crowd in the video laughed and hollered. I looked up from the phone to Jag, his face nearly red with rage or embarrassment or both. Elliot looked on the verge of tears as he turned his face away from me.
“Sooo….” Moe said from the door. “What do you think?”
Elliot elbowed him. “We don’t need to hear more ridicule. We should have never played live.”
I tapped to turn off the video, then laughed. I tried to choke it back for their sake, and it turned into a hacking cough. Beverly gazed at me and squeaked as though worried.
Elliot flinched. “Of course, she laughs.”
I waved away his comment. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing in shock that this is what got you sent to prison. In Silver Springs.”
Jag crossed his arms. “They called it indecent exposure. But we are not indecent, and neither is our art.”
“It’s not real art, Jag,” Elliot whispered.
I laughed again. “Indecent exposure? In this town? There are fucking giant dildos flying all over the place. It’s their local taxi service.”
Even Elliot looked up to gape at me.
“Why in the fuck would they arrest anyone for indecent exposure in Silver Springs? Hell, the entire town came together to defeat a limp dick curse. They are not shy people here.”
Moe grinned. “We should have played in Silver Springs and not Albany. We can do it when we get out.”
“Ohhh, Albany,” I said. Silver Springs Penitentiary served a big chunk of New York State’s paranormal community. “They’re not a dildo orgy town.”
Jag, Elliot, and Moe blinked at me.
“Wait. So… you’re really not laughing at us?” Jag said slowly. “You’re laughing because someone arrested us for this?”
I nodded. “You wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve seen. Your performance was practically a Disney movie in comparison. Plus, your music is beautiful, like what Tolkien elves and dwarves would perform if they were friends.”
Jag and Elliot’s mouths dropped open. Moe bounced up and down. “That’s what we were going for!”
I leaned past Jag and Elliot to meet his gaze. “Your music is genius.”
He grinned ear to ear and clapped his hands. “I helped translate the lyrics to Dwarfian!”
I didn’t want to ruin his happiness by telling him that wasn’t the right word. “Well done. How’d you end up with abilities like that? I assume your cocks shift?” I pointed to Elliot and Jag.
