AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Nova hummed, then nodded, and when he let Ben go, the loss felt physical and profound. “See you at seven sharp?”
“I’ll be here,” Ben said. He wasn’t sure if he was going to regret the date or not, but he certainly wasn’t going to regret seeing Nova’s grin one more time.
seven
“Oh,this is a mistake. This is a sign that this is a mistake,” Ben muttered to himself. It felt wrong to be crisising in front of his now-lit chanukiah, but there wasn’t anywhere else for him to have the total meltdown besides his office.
Well, he supposed that wasn’t entirely true. He could totally crisis at home since finals were over, it was the weekend, and he had zero reason to be there, but it just…made sense. It was his current routine for that holiday.
He rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling and wondered if some sort of disembodied figure was listening. He’d always had a quiet, unspoken theory that if there was a god of any kind, humans were in a giant fishbowl for his amusement.
Or an ant farm. And the god was definitely holding a magnifying glass in a beam of sunlight.
He didn’t know if he did or didn’t want there to be a cosmic reason for the fact that his third date’s name was Chad. He didn’t want to think that meant anything or that the guy was going to be anything like the first two, but he’d lost his ability to hope.
He was feeling less than festive as he pulled on the garish yellow-and-blue scarf with little pictures of latkes knitted in. His mother had sent it—not as a Chanukah present, something she’d made very clear. It was just a little token so he didn’t get cold.
He supposed that was his version of ugly Christmas sweater, which irritated him only because being Jewish was a great excuse not to participate in those obnoxious holiday traditions every department wanted to have.
But he’d never live down the Jewish Mom guilt if he didn’t put it on at least once that winter.
Grabbing his keys, he clung to the only light in his entire day, which was being able to see Nova. He was pretty sure Nova wasn’t doing all of this out of pity, even if he did feel sorry for Ben’s situation, and that was enough to get him through. He’d been doing his best not to read too much into the way his stomach would fill with little fizzy butterflies every time he thought about his new and rather strange friendship.
He didn’t know if it actually meant anything. Nova could have easily just been one of those guys who took it upon himself to care for any poor, wandering soul that crossed his path. But Ben wanted to believe he was a little special.
That maybe whatever this was would turn into something deeper when the disaster dates were all over.
Hell, maybe they’d become close enough that Nova would stand as his best man in his future wedding since Aaron was right out. But something about that didn’t sit right either. It made him feel kind of funny and all green around the gills.
Shaking his head, he locked his office, then hurried down the hall and into the cold night. There were a few students across the street—frat boys from the look of them in their bare chests and low-slung jeans. They were very definitely drunk, and while Ben knew he should probably do something about it since it was likely they were all underage, instead, he just ducked his head and headed for the parking lot.
“Ben?”
He froze mid step and almost fell on his ass when he spun a little too fast. His heart began to race at the sound of a voice he hadn’t wanted to hear ever again. Bile rose in his throat when his former TA raised a nervous hand and waved.
“I thought that was you.”
Ben lifted his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose before remembering his arms were full with his coat, briefcase, and keys. He looked like a complete moron. “Chris,” he said flatly.
Chris put up both hands in surrender as he came to a stop. “Are you going to hit me?”
Ben rolled his eyes. “You and I both know I’ve never hit anyone. And you’re definitely not worth the risk.”
Chris winced. “Ouch.”
At that, Ben let out a strained laugh. “I’m sorry, were you expecting something else?”
“No. I just…I don’t know. I was hoping you’d give me a second so I could tell you how much I hate myself for what happened.”
He almost laughed. Chris had pretended to be his friend, had fucked his boyfriend for months behind his back, and he was expecting some kind of what? Grace? Some of Ben’s time? Neither Chris nor Taylor had attempted to explain themselves when Ben caught them in his car, and up to this point, neither of them had bothered to offer an apology. Not that Ben would have accepted one, but he was still owed, damn it.
And he knew what other people would think. If his mom had been there with him right then, she would have wanted him to be the bigger person. She would have wanted him to extend forgiveness and move on.
He could do the latter. He liked to think that in spite of his visceral reaction at seeing Chris, he had moved on. It’s not like there was a force on the earth that would make him want to be with Taylor again, but he was not that kind of a person. Not even close. And Chris was never going to find what he was looking for.
Not from Ben.
“You want absolution, you should probably go to confession. And I’m the furthest thing from a priest.”
