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“You’re lonely,” Aaron said. “And…hell, okay. I wasn’t going to say anything until next month, but Naomi’s pregnant.”
Ben froze, and then he realized what that meant. “You’re going to be a dad?” he asked softly.
Aaron cleared his throat very loudly—his obvious tell when he was on the verge of getting too emotional. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
Ben wanted to jump for joy. If Aaron was going to be a dad, that meant he was going to be an uncle. He’d have a little nibling to spoil the hell out of in less than a year, which was amazing. But…it also didn’t make any sense. “Aaron, I’m so happy for you. I don’t even have words. But I don’t understand what that has to do with these men you set me up with.”
“You’re lonely,” Aaron repeated. “And if I walked in and told you that my wife and I were going to have a child, it was going to make that worse.”
Ben blinked, then burst into laughter. It went on and on until Aaron started making noise of protest, so he did his best to rein it in. “You’re a fucking moron. Do you know that? I know you love me—this obviously shows me how much you love me in your weird, twisted, hetero way. But please, for the love of everything holy, get to know me a little better than this.”
“What do you mean?” Aaron said, now sounding fully irritated.
Ben finally crawled from the floor to the couch and laid his head back on the cushion, covering his eyes with one hand. “Nothing about you having a child would have made me sad or lonely. I cannot wait to meet your baby, Aaron. If anything, this makes me feel less alone in the world. I’m going to love this child to the point of insanity.”
Aaron was quiet for a long, long while. “I just didn’t want you to feel like the rest of the world was moving on without you.”
That was oddly sweet. Like sweet enough it made Ben’s insides ache. They didn’t do I love yous or soppy shit very often. Not really. Their love language wasn’t kindness. But he realized this meant something. It was enough.
“I promise you I’m okay,” he said.
Aaron made a quiet, considering noise. “There was this guy about a year and a half ago at my office. He was an intern in finance. He was the nicest person to everyone. Always brought in doughnuts. Always remembered everyone’s coffee order. It was a Thursday when he didn’t show up. Normally, we just fire people who fuck off like that. But Cass—she works in HR—she had a feeling. They found him four days later. There was a note.” Aaron’s voice cracked. “He seemed fine. He told everyone things were fine. But they weren’t. And no one knew.”
Ben’s heart ached immediately for his brother. “Aaron, that’s not me.”
“But I didn’t—Idon’tknow that. I don’t. You have friends, but you’re not really close to anyone. And when Taylor…did what he did with your TA, it wrecked you.”
Ben wanted to argue, to say it hadn’t. He wanted to scream Taylor was such a fucking pointless, insignificant drop in the river of his life that it had done nothing more than wound his pride. But the truth was, ithadbeen a blow to both his pride and his heart. He understood what Aaron was saying, and he knew there was nothing he could tell his brother that would alleviate those fears.
“I wasn’t isolating or trying to keep people at arm’s length,” Ben told him. “I’m happy the way I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to fall in love or that I won’t if I meet the right person. But I don’t need to go on a bunch of dates and meet someone just for the sake of not being alone. I promise you, okay? When I say I’m fine, I mean it.”
Aaron breathed out a long, quiet sigh. “I just…worry. I don’t want…I can’t handle that being my reality.”
Ben squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t imagine how Aaron felt right then. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if the situation was reversed. “I get it. But setting me up with total randos and calling it a holiday present isn’t exactly the way to perk me up. People are fucking terrible.”
“Yeah, apparently,” Aaron said, sounding miserable. “Naomi only just started talking to me again after she found out what I did. She said if you were even slightly bi, she’d leave me for you.”
Ben burst into laughter, the tension draining from him. “That’s why she’s my favorite sibling.”
There was another small pause, and then Aaron said, “Cancel the other dates.”
Ben found himself smiling in spite of how badly he actually wanted to do that. “I can’t.”
Aaron coughed a little. “What? Why? Did someone threaten you? I can come down there and—”
“Calm down, Rambo,” Ben told him, still grinning like a madman. “It’s an agreement I have with a friend. I have to finish out the last two nights.”
“Well, maybe there will be a treasure in that—”
“Shit pile?” Ben offered.
He swore he could hear his brother’s blush. “Something like that.”
Ben dropped his hand and gazed out at the snowy roof of the building across from his. “Maybe there will be. If anything, I have hope.”
“And you forgive me?”
“I will,” Ben said after a beat. “With enough groveling.”
