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I want to hate her. But am I no better than she is? Is being a deadbeat genetic?
He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “You love your family, Taylor. You don’t leave them behind, even when you’re not here.”
I suppose that’s true. I could never cut them out of my life completely, it would be like severing a limb.
“Your dad never mentioned anything about why your mom might have left?”
“I vaguely remember something about her being depressed, but I don’t know if I heard that from Dad or Finley. She had six kids in eight years. It’s a lot for anyone, I guess. But to leave us all there, to leave Dad alone? How could she? Dad was great, but we neededher.”
I needed her. But more than anything, Finley needed her. Finley never really had a childhood, since she became a surrogate mother. I’m angry. Confused. I need to knowwhy. I need to make sense of it.
“You think they would be upset with you if they knew you’ve been trying to find her?”
A frown tugs at my lips. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
It’s not so much that I think they would be angry with me. I’m not sure if they would understand. They don’t have this same urge, the same need to run, to avoid. Like me, like Mom. This search has been personal. Something I need to do on my own, without having to defend the actions to anyone. Besides, they would probably insist on helping or getting involved in some way. They have enough going on in their lives right now. The last thing I want to do is add to their stress, their worries. What if I don’t find anything? What if it’s all for nothing?
I shake the thoughts away and tell Atticus everything. How I hired a PI. How I’ve been searching the country since last year, following leads. “I’m going to go to this antique store next week in Pennsylvania. It was the last known mailing address of someone named Dawn Cooper, who legally changed her name from Rebecca Fox. The owner of the store, his name is Jonas something or other. Maybe he knows her, or where I can find her.”
His eyes get stormy. “You’re going to go meet some strange man hours away and you weren’t going to tell anyone?”
I grin at his scowl. “You’re so cute when you’re worried. I’m telling you now. Besides it’s a store. Public.”
His hand tightens on my hip. “Still.”
“My PI vetted him, he’s not a serial killer.” I shrug. “Probably.”
A discontented hum rumbles in his chest.
Laughter bubbles out of me. “You want to come with me or are you growly because you want to show me your angry raccoon impression?”
He huffs out a laugh. “I am going with you.”
“Good. I didn’t want to go alone anyway. You don’t have to work next week?”
“We could go on Monday. Campers won’t be here until Wednesday, so it shouldn’t be an issue.” His hand rubs down my back in a soothing gesture.
Everything inside me goes to mush at his easy acquiescence, at the simple affection. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to share pieces of myself with someone else without fear. Ever since Mindy lashed out at me after Aria’s death, opening up to anyone has been a struggle. But not with Atticus.
In a month, this will be over.
Dread sinks through me but I push it down further, somewhere deep where it can’t reach up and hurt me.
I lift up to press my lips against his, banishing everything else to the wind.
Reaching down, I wrap my fingers around his cock and he immediately hardens under my touch.
A desperate sort of madness sucks us both into its grip. Atticus groans, taking my face in his warm palms and kissing me hard, the contrast between his gentle hands and fervent lips intoxicating. Ecstasy swirls and beckons, and I plunge into it headfirst, ignoring the inevitable future battering at my heart.
We may not have a future, but we have right now and I intend to make the most of it.
* * *
Knocking rouses me from slumber.
“Go away,” I mumble into the pillow.
The knocking comes again, accompanied by the creak of the bedroom door and Finley’s voice. “Taylor? Are you awake?”
