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That is it.
I didn’t deserve to have that kiss with her; it was wrong of me to surrender like that, even though she lit up my entire body. I beat myself up every day for it. She’s here to learn. To build her skills. To grow as an artist. I don’t want to stand in her way, let alone ruin it with unnecessary drama.
I never stay, that’s who I turned out to be despite my reservations and I’m not sure I am what she needs. An older man with some baggage and a one-way ticket policy.
Nah.
She deserves better.
I’d love to give in to her, more than anything, but I’m the adult one, and I need to keep our relationship professional.
I only do that to protect us both.
I’m gonna get hurt and I’m trying to save myself the pain. I fell so fucking fast so fucking hard in the past that I had to gather fragments of myself and piece them back together.
I stare at the walls of our apartment, confused as fuck. “I don’t understand what changed.”
“We’re just two different people. I need to focus on my work, build my social media strategy, and grow as an entrepreneur.” Those are her words to me.
“That’s what it was all about. Your followers list. That’s why you dated me? To get those meaningless fifteen minutes of fame.”
I felt as though I was being punished for having the capability to love someone. Maybe my soul needed to be loved. I needed to feel love for the first time in my life by someone who wanted to be around me. Get to know me. Be with me.
But it wasn’t love.
It was all a lie.
I was another thing my ex-girlfriend used to get ahead like when my mother used me to get what she wanted.
Looking back at it now, ten years later, how far I’ve come. I grew so much as an artist, I’ve expanded my horizons and got a house most only dream about.
I was one of those who used to dream about this.
I don’t even wonder about her because I simply don’t care. She was a lesson learned nothing more. The only problem with that lesson is that I didn’t want it to repeat itself so I avoided it countless times since.
After her exhibition of love, my head prevailed, and my heart kept resorting away while the years flew by.
Beth and Danny said that when you meet the right person you know. I never felt like I had, so I never bothered.
Then Lenny enters, I don’t know what the future holds but I know I want her in it.
Around me.
Around the shop.
However, I can have her.
I don’t want to be selfish toward her right now.
We need more time.
I need more time to figure it out. To close that chapter.
Too bad that my dumb ass doesn’t get the memo and I continue to invite her in here and torture myself.
I haven’t let anyone step inside this house except my best friends.
I’m still trying to figure out why.
