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He doesn’t owe me anything. He is an adult and he can be with whomever he wants. It still doesn’t hurt less.
I deserve to be wanted. And chased. And cherished. And if he is not my address I will find my address in someone else.
“Of course.” The immediate response causes my stomach to whisk and my first instinct is to clear my voice which gets Beth’s attention.
“Oh, you’re the girl everyone keeps talking about.” She nods at him, “He says your work is amazing.” She rests her hands on her hips—nothing less than a strong woman—the definition of confidence.
Fetching my things in my backpack, “It’s a great opportunity and I’m gaining a lot of experience thanks to Dean.” I answer fast, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.
The countless metal bracelets on her hand jingle as she moves toward me.
“You should come too. We’re having a friend’s gathering. All married couples but this one is evermore single.” She clicks her heel boot on the floor, feigning annoyance toward Dean.
Married.
Dean nods in agreement. “Yes, come. I’m sure Scar would love to see you.” His genuine enthusiasm turns into mocking sarcasm.
This is another invitation that keeps messing with my head but I can’t pass an opportunity to spend more time with my new best friend.
She closes our gap and starts to comb my locks. “And my husband is gracing us with his skilled barbecue expertise so you’re in the luck.” Turning her face over Dean, she raises her voice again, “Why aren’t you feeding this baby? Do you need me to kick his ass?” She says humorously.
Her energy is motherly-like.
I like her.
“The last thing I’ll ever do.” He comments in a strict offended tone.
“I know.” She softens. “He’s one of the good ones,” Beth whispers, only I hear her words.
“Well then, I’m glad we sorted this out. I’m going to see you two later so… bye for now.”
She hugs me, waves at Dean, and strides out of the shop.
Came in like a hurricane and left like one as well.
I’m relieved to hear he’s not dating anyone. It still doesn’t change the fact our relationship is strictly business.
I shouldn’t care.
Santa Monica was wonderful, I keep replaying it like a dear memory I can’t get out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I thought our kiss was incredible. Feverish. The good kind.
“Lenny.” He calls my name but what could be so important now when I’m completely zoned out?
It lasted for so long that I forgot the world existed around me and the way he held me so close to his body made me feel so safe. So cared for.
Stop deluding yourself.
A brief moment that is history now is going to be forgotten in the future when I meet someone else.
I’m thinking about giving myself a deadline. Start dating in six months from now. Put myself out there.
“Lenny.” This time his voice is closer and more urgent.
I rotate my face from my bag to find him looming over me.
His countenance cauterizes my muscle memory, penetrating the walls I’m trying to compound.
“I hate this distance.” He cranes his neck to the ceiling, grunting. “I-I want—”
