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It’s only when I can’t see him anymore that I slump against the wall and focus on controlling my breathing, so I don’t have another panic attack like at the bridal shop.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day.
* * *
My wedding dress fits perfectly.I never knew I could look so pretty. The woman staring back at me in the mirror is the woman I’ve always wanted to be. Someone confident and elegant.
Inside, though, I’m screaming.
Emilia is pinning my hair into a wavy up-do. We’re still at her house, only heading to the church once we’re done getting ready. I haven’t seen Leo in a week, not since Marco announced we’d be getting married. I kind of miss him.
“There.” She pins one last hair in place. “Perfect. You’re ready to go.”
“I can’t believe I’m getting married.” Goosebumps rise on my skin. “It doesn’t feel real.”
“It didn’t for me either. But I got through it, and so will you.”
I want to remind Emilia she’s so much braver than I am. Just because she got through it, doesn’t mean I will.
Emilia and I loop arms as we walk downstairs, where the rest of my family is waiting on us. Antonio is tugging on his neckline, looking uncomfortable in his suit. Mom tells him to stop fussing and that he looks great. Cecilia doesn’t even look in my direction because her eyes are firmly set on Theo. She’ll need to get over her crush before it’s too late. Mia’s acne has been covered up with makeup, and she already looks more confident than before.
Mom finally glances up and sees me, her eyes widening. “Francesca.” She never even greeted me yesterday, and I haven’t been down until today, what with my wedding nerves taking up all my attention.
“Mom.” I wave my hands over my dress. “Do you like it?”
“I do. It’s very … you.”
It’s quiet in the room until Viktor clears his throat. “Everybody ready to go to a wedding?”
Mom turns away from me, her attention on the twins as she nudges them toward the door. Emilia squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about her. Today is your day.”
That’s what I’m worried about.
* * *
We arriveat a grand Catholic church with stained glass windows and huge arches. It almost looks like a movie set. I don’t feel like I’m in my own skin. It’s like I’m watching this happen to someone else.
Emilia guides me into a room off to the side of the main chapel where we’ll wait for more guests to arrive. “You got this,” she tells me. She winces and touches her stomach. “Baby is kicking. Ugh. I have to pee. I’ll be right back, ok?”
I try to sit down, but the urge to pace is too strong, so I end up pacing the room as I wait for Emilia to return. When there’s a knock on the door, I open it, expecting to see my oldest sister’s face, but instead, it’s my mom.
The shock of it almost makes me faint.
“Can I come in?” she asks, brushing past me before I can even say yes. “You’re really getting married.” Her eyes shine as she shakes her head. “I never thought it would happen.”
“Why? You expect all your kids to marry one day.”
“True. I just never thought I’d get you to look up from your books long enough to actually meet a guy. I was going to do another arranged marriage, but I lost track of the time with the twins.” She pauses. “Francesca, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help plan your wedding. Or make you a match. I should have been.”
Her words draw me up short. “Oh,” is all I can say.
“And I just want to say you look beautiful. Especially because you don’t quite have Emilia or Gemma’s looks.” I flinch. “So, I wanted you to know you’re still beautiful.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, turning away from her. How does my mom manage to give a compliment full of bite?
“I’ve got to head back out. See you in a little bit.” When the door clicks shut behind her, I let the tears come.
I always knew I was in Emilia and Gemma’s shadows, but to have my own mom say that to me hurts in a way I’ve never been hurt before.
