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If the first message had sunk my heart, the second trod it into the ocean bed. It was from Kyra, my chief scientist on the Isle of Creally where we were growing the new crops. Bad news, it said. 30% opioid content. I stopped in my tracks and bit back both a roar of anger and the urge to drive to the labs, where Ossian had taken up permanent residence, to strangle him with my bare hands. I concentrated on breathing steadily. I couldn’t lose focus now. We were only hours away from getting more explosive material onto the island. I just had to contain this anger a little while longer, then it could be unleashed.
Just before I slipped my hand in my pocket, I remembered the third message. I opened it and stared open-mouthed at the screen. It was from Minty. Viv just called. She said she needs to see you. Now.
My heart pounded and I spun one-eighty to head in the opposite direction. I strode back through the Hall with tunnel vision, stopping for no one in my mission to get to Vivian.
When I arrived at Minty’s, I resisted the urge to spin my Ferrari full circle with the sole aim of kicking up enough dust I wouldn’t be seen emerging from the car. I was taking a big risk showing up at all. But I couldn’t not show up. It was Vivian. And for some unknown reason, she needed to see me.
I reached the door, my breaths short and quick. What was so urgent that she needed to see me right now? I found the spare key in the third plant pot from the right – exactly where Minty said she’d left it - and fed it into the lock. Opening the door slightly, I called into the flat.
“Vivian, I’m here. Minty said you wanted to see me.”
A small voice cut through the still air. “I’m in the living room.”
I closed the door softly and followed the dim glow at the end of the corridor. I stepped through the doorway to the living room and froze. Vivian was standing at the window, trembling uncontrollably, with a knife in her hand.
“What are you doing?” My voice sounded far away from my head.
“Take it off me,” she whispered.
I walked up to her slowly and took her hand in mine, gently removing the knife. It was the closest she’d let me get to her since that day in the crypt. She put up no resistance and instead looked down at the lethal object as though wondering why it was there.
I glued my eyes to her while turning around to place the knife on a shelf she wouldn’t be able to reach easily.
“What do you think you were going to do, butterfly?” I whispered.
She stared into her empty hands. “I don’t know,” she muttered quietly. “I wanted to cause myself pain – anything to drown out this constant ache in my heart. I could have killed myself,” she said wistfully, almost to herself. “Then everyone’s problems would go away.”
“What the hell?” I said on a short breath.
“Peggy, Richard, Em… they worry about me. If I just… went away… they wouldn’t have to worry anymore. And you…”
“What about me?” I bit out. “You think I could keep on living if you didn’t? If you truly believe that, you have not one ounce of comprehension of how I feel about you, Vivian. You are my heart and soul.”
Her breath stuttered as she gazed at the floor between us.
“I was going to put you on a boat in five hours, but you can’t leave when you’re in this state,” I said, softly. “I won’t let you.”
Her gaze lifted and hooked me from beneath long damp lashes. “But… you said…”
I stepped back so she still had her space. I didn’t want to fuck things up again. “I know what I said, but that was before I found out you were potentially suicidal. I’m not letting you out of my sight while you feel this way. I’ll get you help. I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
She lowered her gaze to the door and for a second, I thought I’d blown it. “I don’t think that sort of help is what I need, Rupert.”
“You might not think it now but it will help to talk to someone. Someone who isn’t… me. Someone who can help you sort through this mess, this trauma….”
“No.” She looked up sharply. “That’s not what I meant. I need help, I do. But there’s only one kind of help I can think about, and I don’t understand it. It’s shameful.”
What was she talking about? My eyes roamed her face looking for a clue, finding nothing but wide-eyed desperation.
She took a step towards me, timidly dropped her gaze, and turned her head to one side. The heat from her neck warmed my chest and I clenched my fists to stave off the urge to wrap my arms around her.
“Tell me what you need.” My entire body had heated, making my voice deep and gravelly.
Her whispered words sailed past my ears.
“Louder, Vivian.”
Her shoulders rose as she inhaled. Then her head turned, her sharp blue eyes piercing me like a dart.
