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“What is this place?” Lily asks, looking up at the discreet sign above the clinic door. “Lorna Fitzgerald.” She reads the name slowly as I close the door of the yellow cab.
“Let’s get out of the cold.” Winter jackets pulled up and around our necks, we huddle in together, through to the waiting area of Lorna’s office.
Lily and I have had the best four days in New York.
It’s exactly what we needed.
We spent New Year’s in the whirlpool hot tub, submerged in the bubbling water. Through the circular window of the bathroom, when the clock struck midnight, we watched the snow fall and fireworks explode across the New York skyline.
It was the best way to bring in the New Year, promising each other to be open to new things and to never give up on each other.
We fly home tomorrow, and this is an appointment I booked at the last minute. One I hope she is okay with. If she’s not, we can leave.
Shaking off the snow from our winter jackets, I stand facing her in the reception area of the clinic.
“It’s a holistic fertility clinic,” I say tentatively, worried she might leave immediately.
The world moves in slow motion as she stands in front of me.
“It’s a non-surgical fertility treatment center, Lily. Noninvasive. We’re here just to talk things through. See if there is anything we are missing. Lorna is the top holistic fertility specialist in the US and Canada.”
“Ash.” She sounds brokenhearted, almost hopeless.
“Three doctors have now told us there is nothing wrong with my sperm, and there is nothing wrong with your eggs. When they mix, the embryos are healthy in the lab, but when they are implanted into your uterus, they fail. And that’s not on you, or me. It’s something else.” I let my words sink in. “I believe in us, Lily.”
Her grin catches me off guard and then blows me away when she says, “Be open to new things and to never give up on each other.” She repeats the resolution we made, then places her hand in mine. “You’re an incredible man, Ash Johansson. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and I get to call you mine.”
It’s the other way around. I’m the luckiest man in the world.
“Ah, you must be Lily and Ash.” The friendly woman, who I’m guessing is Lorna, breaks our moment, approaching us from down a narrow corridor. “You two are like complete contrasts of each other with names like that. Lily, as white as snow and Ash, made from fire.” She’s overly dramatic in her delivery, spreading her fingers out as if they are flames rising into the air.
We laugh at her analogy. It’s perfect; ice and fire.
She shakes my hand, then surprises Lily as she gives her a warm hug.
“I’m going to lock the door. I opened especially for you two today. I’m officially out of office.” She drops her voice, although there is no one else around to hear her.
When we spoke on the phone, she was more than accommodating, suggesting we meet the day before we fly home to save us another journey to New York.
“We’re very grateful.” I thank her.
“This way.” Lorna beckons us to walk down a small hallway leading to a door at the end. “Gosh, you are very pretty, Lily,” she says, walking past us, leading the way.
I’ve always thought that. Her heart of gold also makes her extra special.
In front of me, Lily turns around to look at me with a cheeky grin on her face. She likes Lorna. We’re off to a good start.
We follow Lorna into a large open spaced area that looks more like a yoga studio than the fertility clinics we’ve sat in previously.
“Coats off, shoes off. Make yourself at home.” She points to the sofa.
It’s where we sit for the next hour recounting the last three rounds of IVF treatment we went through in detail, taking time when Lily gets upset.
It was hard on her, physically and emotionally. I never want to put her through that again. And according to Lorna, we won’t have to.
“Let’s move down to the floor.” Lorna sits down on one of the yoga mats. “Cross your legs and face each other. You on one side of me, Lily, and Ash, you on my other side.”
She urges us to move closer together as we get settled on the mats.
